Accepting the Facts

I walk around town and see people ..... 20-somethings, 30-somethings, 40 and 50-somethings ..... and I automatically go to my default reaction of thinking I am part of their demographic.

Still young and part of the crowd.

Then I receive the instant internal error message that .... "No, no you're not."

No matter how badly I wish that I still was, I'm not!!

And it's funny how quickly all this passing time transpired. 

It's like I was just going along with life, then blinked, and here I am, a senior citizen.

The past seems so recent and like I should be able to pick up where I left off.

But no!!!

And I ruminate endlessly about all this.

I won't bring it up in person but if you do, it will be a struggle to get me to stop talking.

If you were to go through this journal, you'd likely find it to be the overriding theme.

I have moments where I'm fine ..... and moments where I truly struggle with it.

And I wonder if others my age go through the same mind games?

Or if they have accepted the facts more gracefully and gently?

Foggy morning from March of 2023. 

Fog always reminds me of a specific memory from my teenage years. A cold and foggy late autumn afternoon with a light drizzle falling, in the backyard of the house I grew up in, picking up fallen walnuts. 

There are random moments from my life that have always stayed with me. Nothing life changing, exciting or fantastic about many of them. Just feelings and images from a moment that have been burned into my memory. Never fading away. Always returning.