There ought to be a manual or handbook or cheat sheet. Or the wisdom of the elders in the spoken word tradition. Something passed down over multiple generations from caring parents to their children. Tips for little helpful secrets for dealing with life's common but embarrassing to speak of situations. A person shouldn't have to be in their final days prior to turning 58 years old before accidentally and blindly stumbling across certain things. There are some topics just not covered in the college class, Health 101 textbook. And no, I'm not making vague reference to the birds and the bees. I figured that one out on my own a few years back.
I thought that I was in a Bob Dylan song .... Stuck Inside of Sears With The Memphis Blues Again. Well to be accurate, I guess that was Mobile that Dylan was stuck inside of. What kind of a piss-ant town is this where the mall closes at 8:00pm? Isn't there some sort of law that malls stay open to 9:00 on week nights? Out mattress shopping this evening and after thirty indecisive and confusing minutes of feeling up various mattresses, I go to exit the store and run face first into a gate prohibiting entry into the mall and the most direct route, as the bird flies and as I walk, to my car. I suddenly had visions of giving those mattresses a full night test run. I mean, if I'm locked out of the mall, then I must be locked inside of Sears right? My mind was coming up blank on alternate paths to my car. Then a store employee, noticing the waves of panic washing over my expression, pointed out the "long way" ...... Hell I'd rather just sleep where I was at. Good thing that I also had fish tacos on my mind or else I just may have curled up on those mattresses.
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