The Classics

Watching a movie from 1944, The Conspirators. Some scenes have a vaguely familiar, "I've watched this before" feel where other scenes are mostly unfamiliar. I must have been drifting in and out of a state of sleep when viewed previously. One of those, sleazy nazi's spies are pretty much all-knowing and hiding in the shadows everywhere, genre of movies, made while the war was still going on. A theme of great interest.

Followed up with Background To Danger, from 1943. Another in keeping with the spy theme. I have a fascination with how people living through World War II times, viewed the current events taking place in their world.

Random Notes

• I really hate the words, "Assembly Required." But I do have to admit to a certain macho satisfaction once the assembly is completed. Even if I happen to have a few unused parts left over. Why can't I just take the floor model?
• Now I know what it must have been like for my parents to walk into a record store around 1968. So many titles these days that I've never heard of. I feel out-of-touch looking at much of the new vinyl out there. Someone needs to create a device that has every recording ever produced, loaded on it and that can be sampled by entering the CD or vinyl album's bar code number ..... and that automatically updates itself wirelessly (and through no effort of my own), each new release Tuesday. Oh and a it would be nice if said device would play wireless full stereo sound  in my ears, (and that only the device owner could hear), minus the use of ear buds or headphones.
• Seems like even if you were engaging in nepotism, you'd hope for and expect a little bit of positive production from the favored person.
• 75 is the new 105!! Degrees that is. Anything over 70 feels too warm for me. And anything under 60, too cold!!
• After a week and at least a half dozen bouts with Adam and Eve type temptation, I can decidedly say that I'm committed to keeping my latest mid-year resolution ..... Not to eat in the car!! 
• An example of poor planning by a local merchant ..... A used book store with very few used books. Add the lack of available seating for customers. People don't want to stand and read, at least not for long. Seating says, "Come on in. Enjoy yourself. Stay awhile."

Stranded!!

Not sure what it all means about me as a person but for some odd reason, I love movies where a small group of people (3-10) are stranded in the wilderness, in the desert, on the ocean, on the moon, etc..  I even find the thought to be a sleep aide ..... I'll close my eyes and visualize myself as part of such a situation. Setting up a camp, improvising with what nature provides, keeping a watch for outlaws, bears, poisonous snakes, Amazonian men-hating women and other assorted dangers. Usually I'm asleep before my mind wanders too far. I draw the line though when it comes to films depicting the eating of your deceased group members. Just can't see myself partaking.

Examples of movies I enjoy ...... Lifeboat, Flight of the Phoenix, Last of The Comanches, Back From Eternity .... to name a few.

Not too fond though of the solo individual stranded in the wild, type of film. Being locked out of an apartment late at night in 30 degree weather also falls into this category, seeing as that plot line actually happened to me before. Just not as romantic. I need to see people working together, even if they are not co-existing together all that effectively.

Examples ..... Man In the Wilderness, Jeremiah Johnson.

By Any Other Name

I think that if I was a Brazilian soccer star and was going to be one of those guys that went by their first name only, I would most likely embellish "Fred" a little. Maybe Frederico? Even Freddie would sound better. I'm sorry but "Fred" just doesn't reek of fear and respect. Maybe the thought process is to lull the other team into a state of relaxation before "Fred" suddenly emerges with a shot on goal ..... Instead though I'm visualizing Fred Flintstone. Maybe that cartoon was never televised in Brazil?

Voices Beyond Annoying

I guess it's true ..... I truly am getting old. I get increasingly irritated these days by just about every voice and talking head on television and radio. News shows, shopping channels, opinion programs. Liberal or conservative, loud mouths or calm voices, it makes no difference. I hear how they all put their personal slant on this. How they generate angles that are missing an element of truth or reality. And I just can't let it slide. I have to change the channel and mute what's annoying. The list of irritants seems to be suddenly multiplying in the last month or two.

Maybe if Gregory Peck did the news .... that could be tolerated. Craig Ferguson I can listen to. Or Mike Van Gundy talking basketball. It must be his mix of humor and knowledge. Other than that?

Futbol Daze

Soccer .... World Cup variety. Guess I'm lacking in sophistication. Tough to watch most of it. There ought to be a no flopping rule.  Players shouldn't act as if they've been shot each time they hit the ground. And news flash for soccer players .... If you insert your head in the same space already occupied by another players head, you're probably not going to get to the ball and you're likely to come away with a major headache. I previously thought that basketball players were the worst at arguing with officials but soccer players make it no contest.

Yankee Time

Trying to explain to a person, who just doesn't understand such things, how you can be such a loyal fan to a baseball team since age eight, which now that I do the math  ..... is half a century, a New York Yankees fan. And I thought for just a brief moment that I had her on the path to acceptance and conversion when I spoke of taking the train to Seattle to watch my Yankees in action ..... but I think she was more interested in the train. Or Seattle perhaps. Or just getting away for a few hours, from what's dragging her down.

She shouldn't have asked what I was going to do after getting home from work. "Well watch the Yankee game that I recorded" of course!! What else would any normal, sane person be looking forward to doing late Wednesday night after working half the afternoon and all evening?

The Dirty "R" Word

Never thought this would happen but I've reached the point where I understand that people eventually just get tired with their daily routines and begin to ponder retirement. Hopefully it's just a temporary condition but I've just had these days lately where every exertion and effort, sometimes every step feels like a major energy expenditure and I begin to wonder if it's a sign .....

Reboot Planet Earth

I wish that I had an answer for all the school and other public place shootings taking place lately. Sometimes I think that the only solution is to wipe away humanity and start again from scratch hoping for a different path taken.You'd think people would be getting outraged to the point of addressing the problem but it seems like instead, they are getting numb to it. I read one thing that caused me to stop and wonder if that just might get some attention and action .... That parents should just keep their kids home from school when it starts back up after summer vacation.

I don't pretend to know what the root cause of the problem is ..... guns, violent television and video games, mental illness? I have an opinion but no clue if I'm right. But I do worry that it's beyond control, beyond fixing without a totally different mindset being put in place.

Those Seasonal Allergy Bebop Blues

You know it's a bad allergy day when you're in the used cd/record store and you spot a great old Jazz album (Lee Morgan's, Cornbread) on vinyl and appearing to be in great shape and at a very record collecting friendly price ..... and you hurriedly walk away without the record because you just gotta get out of anywhere where other people are present, so you can sniffle, snort, sneeze and suffer in blessed private.

It's funny how that when you are 58, 40 sounds like the new 17.

Changes

Am I at the magic age? I can identify myself changing in numerous ways over the past year. Not just physically but also in outlooks and attitudes. It's not something that I knowingly pondered and considered, it just happened. Still to be decided if these "changes" .... any or all is for the better. You see, I'm not sure where it's all headed and the last thing that I've ever wanted was to become a bitter old man.

The Golden Years?

It's not the way that it should be ..... people raising their grandchildren. I know several. Seems to be quite common among the people that I work with. Maybe it speaks to the lower level of formal education that many received and the resulting lack of importance given it with their own children. I hear their stories and am almost happy to be childless. Though I like to think that I would have stressed education and taking responsibility from an early age.

One person in particular is struggling with depression currently. Not only with her own children being irresponsible and bad decision makers but with her siblings as well. Being the oldest of the bunch, they come to her with all their problems. No one seems to be able to function independently and stay above water for very long. There are always two or three crises being dealt with and rarely very effectively. Drugs, jail, failed relationships, money problems being constant themes. I've been telling her for years that she needs to distance herself from the never ending chaos but I guess that's easier said than done. It's like televisions longest running soap opera.

Watching from a distance, it seems that many of the issues are just decisions made with no consideration to consequences. Or the attitude that they can get away with it. There's no stopping and thinking things through, just emotional instant reactions and choices made.

Something happened with either my generation or the parents of my generation. Certain ideals were not sufficiently passed along to the kids. It's not yet been reversed. It's not even been recognized by more than a handful. I wonder if it's too late for change?

A friend once told me that he always votes for education. Anything put up for a vote involving better education ..... he votes in favor of. It does appear to be the main difference maker. Show your children stability and responsibility. Don't wait until you feel the need to take charge of your grandchildren to begin stressing it. 

Small Minds

People piss me off at times. Especially insensitive, stupid, oblivious to everything around them people. ..... "Such a fun weekend. Despite the doings in Santa Barbara, we had a great time there." (There was a shooting and knifing in Santa Barbara where six people were killed.) This from a friend of a "friend" on facebook. Like she's just above being inconvienced by minor irritants in her life such as six people being killed and several others injured. The "friends" lack of an appropriate response pisses me off as well. I'm so glad that your weekend wasn't ruined. Just maybe it's not the proper moment in history to express your pleasure.

NBA Playoff Notes

NBA Playoff observations. After two rounds.

• There's quite a few players on the rosters of each team that can rise up occasionally and have a real impact on a given game making their team look unbeatable. Then the next game they return to earth and the team looks very beatable. What separates teams is not so much talent and ability but the ability of individual players to use their talents consistently.
• It must make a referee feel real good (sarcasm) to go check the video replay and have their calls overturned. Especially as often as it's been occurring. 
• Not an option. You just gotta get those rebounds and limit the turnovers!! Nothing is more frustrating than seeing your team struggle with either or both.
• I marvel at the energy and effort that it must take to win one game .... and even more so at the ability to come back two days later and starting from scratch, give that same effort. And then, to keep that up each game through a long series or extended playoff run.
• Sometimes it seems as if the referees have forgotten that flopping and defensive verticality were supposed to be a points of emphasis this season. But they've been focusing big-time on fouls on three point attempts.
• Ever since the early 1970's watching Ernie Digregorio with the ball in his hands for Providence, great passing has been what thrills the most. Still is!!!

TV Time

I'm lacking in much of pop television culture. I've never watched a moment of several TV series of recent years that people rave about. Breaking Bad, Mad Men, The Sopranos and others .... I have no knowledge of. My one show has been 24. And I didn't discover it until halfway through Season 5 and then it was only because a friend was raving about it and it was coming on in ten minutes. Had it been an hour or longer, I might have never tuned it. Before that it was Seinfeld. Another that I didn't find until it was well in progress. I never did get into the first season or two .... just didn't think they were funny and tuned out during the final season as it seemed obvious to me that they had gone away from what made it so funny. Quick hitting scenes, switching back and forth often between each characters separate situations in favor of longer scenes that lost their humor. It went from funny to silly. Like they ran out of ideas for shows. I always thought that M.A.S.H. had the same problem. I imagine that's common with most shows that have a relatively long run of several seasons. After about five or six years, maybe less, they begin to slide downhill. There's a lack of fresh and interesting ideas. Original characters often depart and are replaced by other characters who if they had been there from the beginning might have been accepted but as replacements for beloved characters, just don't seem to work.

Most shows that I've taken a liking to, I didn't truly get into until they were cancelled and into syndication. Wings, NewsRadio ..... I'm sure that there's a few others. The 1980's ruined TV viewing for me. A horrible decade for television. Too much sugary sweet fluffy crap!! If it had not been for sports and music, I might have done away with cable completely. That was when MTV and VH-1 were actually about music.

Nap Time

It's so me!! I've been anxiously awaiting the return of "24" then the long wait finally ends, the day arrives and I fall asleep during the middle of the broadcast. It took great restraint not to scream upon awakening, three minutes after its conclusion.

Then tonight .... I nod off early in the third quarter of the Blazers playoff game. But that game was decided in the first five minutes. No regrets there. Happy to have missed "garbage time."

Those Lower Back Blues

Lower back problems. In case you didn't know ..... not much fun!! It all stemmed from a framed pictures re-arranging and hanging session and attempts to extend and reach areas of the wall not easily reachable. I initially thought it was just a minor strain until the initial re-aggravation took place ..... And every time over the past week that I thought it was getting better, I did something dumb to re-re-aggravate the condition, each instance seemingly more painful, crippling and for a longer period of time than the times previously. I'm guessing as well, that weight and age are major contributing factors to complicating the healing process. It also seems to affect the fingers as I seem to be dropping more items then usual that result in the act of bending over to pick them up off the floor requiring experimentation in new methods of undertaking said act.

You learn the difficult way that healing the back is a slow, gradual process. One sudden wrong movement can offset four or five days of improvement. In the blink of an eye it's back to the beginning ..... or further.

Playoffs

These Trailblazer's playoff games can be tough to watch. More than once now I've caught myself thinking: "Can't we just skip forward to the final minute and see how this turns out?" ...... In the first quarter even!! Every possession seems to become a separate stress filled event. They go up 2-0 in the series and I worry more than ever about game three. (Which they lost.) It's like after two close and thrill filled games won on the road, how can they (and I) possibly hope for those same end results now that they are playing at home?

I've decided after game three that I'm not going to bother reading online articles and opinions. (Well see how long that lasts.) People's opinions just piss me off. A two point game and people spin it as one team being dominant and the other being hopelessly out-manned and weaker. The reality is that each of the first three games could have swung the other direction on an almost infinite amount of factors. Many of them seemingly small factors. A bounce of the ball, an extra inch of a reach or a second in timing could be the difference in so many cases. These players are all immensely skilled.

RSD Once Again!

Record Store Day was yesterday. I eventually made my way down to Ranch Records. They said that they had thirty people lined up outside the doors at 4:00am. I didn't know that they exhibited that sort of behavior for Record Store Day. I guess it doesn't matter what the release, I would never stand in line for hours for anything. Especially for doors to open. I asked what the big seller was that had all those people in line at such an hour and failed to recognize the titles. Proof I suppose, that I am old, unhip and out of touch.

Another Record Store Day

"Record Store Day" and all its special limited edition releases ..... I love the concept. I just wish it was a little less expensive. It's coming around again this weekend. I'll be participating. But probably not when the doors open. They've backed off by six months the Neil Young release ("Time Fades Away"), that I was so looking forward to. It's pissed me off royally!! I'm searching for a way to protest! But Neil doesn't seem like the sort who might care.

When I moved a few years ago, there was a voice or two in my world encouraging me to simplify things, de-clutter and lighten the load by losing the vinyl record collection that had been put together over approximately forty years. For five or ten hazy minutes their words actually made a weird sort of sense. A compromise was eventually reached where I decided on 15-20 records that I didn't need any longer. The remainder made the move with me. I told those voices that I would require no assistance and would carry all the records myself. Similar notions will no longer be given consideration as long as sanity rules.

Life Story

I see things ..... images that get deep inside and stay with me, returning to my thoughts at any given moment. I wonder what his life is like? I wonder what he's writing? Had he wanted to tell his life story, I would have stopped and listened. We all have a story just waiting to be told. Often waiting for the slightest indication of interest.

The "R" Word

I look around work these days. Occasionally it dawns on me that my time is limited. It doesn't seem possible after so many years that there might be a time when I'm no longer a part of the place. Do I have five or ten more years left in me of being able to physically perform my duties? So many years pass by and it never enters your mind. Then suddenly the realization is present.

Five or ten years at my age, flashes by in an instant it seems.

I'm told that Miguel is 81 years old. He rarely misses a day. He seems happy working each day. What's his secret?

I've never been good at walking away from known and comfortable circumstances for the final time. Not that I have much experience at it. But there have been a few occasions .... St. Vincent's, high school, my job with the city. It was never my choice. Maybe the city was somewhat. Maybe I could have hung around doing the occasional odd job for them but the reasons I originally became involved had been washed away in a series of budget cuts. They called a few times afterwards with a few hours that I turned down ..... I ended up just kind of fading away. Never formally informed that I was dismissed, never formally quitting.

I think I saw that time approaching after realizing well after the fact that several key changes in management had taken place. I had no idea what was going down during that final year. Not that they were obligated to inform me of upcoming changes but normally I would have been in the loop just by being around and talking with people. The old gossip around the water cooler. But more and more I had taken to performing the majority of my office chores at odd hours, coming and going when most people were at home. In a way, slowly backing away from it all.

Funny how some people spend their final years at work almost obsessing about retirement while it never seems to enter the mind of others. In Frank's final year or two, I doubt a day went by where he didn't mention it. He was concerned if he could make it work financially but the closer he came to his announced date, the more excited he became. He claims now to have no regrets.

I've see them go at all ages .... 50's, early 60's and later. Hopefully I'll know when it's my time.

Photo Sharing

No description needed. One of those photos that grabs my attention through color and feel. Maybe late evening. Alone with ones thoughts. Or possibly the calm before the storm. Maybe a sense of awe and wonder? A place that I'd like to visit .... in my dreams if nothing else.

The image is not mine though I'd surely give credit if I knew who the photographer/artist was.


Behind the fog and haze nothing is clear or certain. There's a search for answers. Reminds of Peter Gabriel's video for his song, Mercy Street.

The Search

Don't some of these countries who have engaged their navies in the search for the missing Malaysian jet, have super-geek, high-tech nuclear submarines that can troll the depths of the suspected area in the Indian Ocean? They are seemingly not too busy right now launching nuclear missiles or doing whatever other run-of-the-mill stealth activities they generally perform ..... maybe a few can break away for a day or two to assist in the search? There must be more than a few secretly patrolling and stationed in the area anyway. How long has it been now since the jet went missing, three weeks? A month? Find the damn thing!!! I'm growing tired of viewing CNN's map of the oceanic area on their studio newsroom floor

Random Notes

Further notes on this and that .....

• Getting real tired of post-game television interviews with members of the victorious team and hearing that "No one gave us a chance to win this game." It should be more like: "I chose to misinterpret every opinion that was thrown out there for consumption."
• Why bother to have referees and umpires any more if they are going to stop the game and review every questionable call? They are not really needed for the obvious calls. Everyone can just agree to agree on those and then let some master computer in New York decide the others. MLB is already set up for that possibility. Get rid of the humans!! Orrrrrrrr get rid of the replays which I am actually for. Maybe keep the review process for the last ten seconds of a game or two outs, ninth inning situations. 
• Or put a timer on the officials. If they can't decide within 30 seconds of reviewing the replays ..... or from two different camera angles, then go with the original call. 
• Apparently one local Subway is attempting to re-define the submarine sandwich and give an extra push to their salads. Why else would they be constantly running out of bread in the middle of the sub eating day? Bread, I've always assumed, is kind of a high priority required item for a sandwich place.  
• In the opening moments of the movie from the 1940's, "Bataan," there's a scene where people and soldiers are evacuating a town in the Philippines and suddenly a Japanese plane appears overhead, dropping bombs and inflicting numerous deaths and destruction. The three main soldiers in the scene dive under cover. When the attack is done they resume their trek, laughing and joking just as before despite all the wounded, dead and dying civilians and fellow soldiers, all around them ..... like they're oblivious to it all. That's always bothered me. What was the director thinking?  

Looking Into You

Looking Into You, a tribute album to the music of Jackson Browne was released this week. I read a review that was somewhat down on it because many of the efforts sounded too much like the original versions. That's just fine with me. I grew up with all those songs. They were at the very top of my listening choices from 1972 through the mid-1990's. For me, there's emotions and life stories mixed in. I personally don't want to hear a Reggae cover of "Rock Me On the Water." Nor do I care to give a listen to a Punk Rock version of "Running On Empty." Close and true to the original is exactly what I would hope for in this case. Feel free to experiment in the progressive mode and take liberties with the music of some of my other favorites but not this. This is too close to my core.


These annual Public Library book sales are a madhouse!! People will bogart their way into the smallest spaces between two other people and then slowly and methodically nudge you over inch by inch until you suddenly realize that you are five feet away from the space that you had previously occupied moments earlier. It dawned on me today that maybe the best strategy to insure that others respect your personal space would be not to shower or bathe for three or four days beforehand.

See Ya

The neighbors moved out ..... a good thing in my estimation. Though you can never be quite sure until you see who moves in next. Being a former kid and all you might expect different from me but I'm not a big fan of having kids residing next door. Especially the combination of middle school boys and six year old girls, bouncing around my car, leaving their skateboards and dolls laying about and the older the boys get, the more I worry about my place while I'm away. Especially when the mother appears to be a grade A airhead, unaware of much that's going on around her except for looking pretty for the parade of male visitors regularly coming around ...... including the semi-regular UPS guy who parks his UPS truck in front of my driveway like it's his. I can't say that I'm sorry to see them go.

I admit that I let little things bother me. It pisses me off when in the middle of winter, when I'm paying a $300-plus electric bill, I see the neighbors with their front door wide open for extended periods, in sub freezing temperatures ..... like wasting energy and paying their electric bill is someone else's concern. Like maybe a handout from some government agency. Or the six year old girls who think my name is "Frank" .... until they decide later that I'm the "landlord." I guess that I'm snobbish that way but their mom needs to pay attention and correct that. How the hell did they come up with either idea?

Jewels and Gems

Sometimes you just have a couple of fruitful days where you stumble across things in $2.00 bargain racks, previously unheard of and off your music radar. The previous owners can rest assured that their former recordings have found a good home.

• Mark Olson - Many Colored Kite
• The Greencards - Movin' On
• Railroad Earth - Last of the Outlaws
• Tim O'Reagan - Tim O'Reagan
• The Dead Reckoners - A Night of Reckoning
• Red Rooster - Walk
• Various Artists - The Great Blues Men

A heavy emphasis towards the Bluegrass/Newgrass genre and Americana or Alternate Country sounds. And with Olson and O'Reagan specifically, their sounds while spinning off from their band, The Jayhawks. Dead Reckoning Records is a record label that leans towards the Americana sound. "A Night of Reckoning" is several of the labels artists getting together for a live performance.

Timing Matters

I sometimes look around my domestic surroundings at what I've been inspired to put together after a chance encounter with a painting and am fascinated. That encounter was the spark! I could have never imagined this five years ago. What if I had began in my younger years? And to think it could have easily never happened if I had glanced to my left instead of to my right at that instant that I walked by the painting that caught my eye and caused me to pause for a moment ..... just to look. Had it been 30 minutes later or another day would it have had the same reaction? So many things are just matters of timing.

Count This!

Sounds like we aced the annual audit. Good results for much hurried effort the past few weeks. We initially thought that we were going to have two more months to prepare. Then it was, "SURPRISE!" .... You have a couple weeks instead. There was a frenzied moment or two where I had doubts, usually involving computers freezing or going down at timely moments, but thanks to several people who either amped up or adopted a grind it out attitude, we made it!! A good feeling to enjoy over the remainder of the weekend.

March Madness Ruminations

I love this Round One of "March Madness" when all the teams are alive and have hopes!! .... And it only gets crazier from there though there's already been a few moments that will be difficult to top.

I read where everyone that entered is already eliminated in the Warren Buffet, billion dollar bracket challenge. Most likely due to Mercer beating Duke in round one. They ought to let anyone who picked that one but lost out on another pick, have a second chance starting with round two ..... at least for a million dollars.

By the way, Mercer beating Duke .... I guess that's what often happens when you have a bunch of seniors playing a bunch of freshman hyped up superstars. It's still 22 and 23 year olds against 17 and 18 year olds. Who among us ever thought that we couldn't handle the younger kids in the neighborhood?

Not sure sometimes if I enjoy it more in my car on the radio or on television?

I watch these games and feel the temptation to play again. Then I remember my age and how long it's been since I last played. And how my knees felt after shooting just a few baskets at the playground with my niece. My days may be numbered. Though I did pump up my basketball last weekend and place it in my car. And I did in fact, drive to a local vacant playground intending to shoot around ..... but before I could hit the court, or even climb out of my car, a van drove up and dropped off two twelve year old kids with their own hoops dreams, which had the net result of squashing mine. I departed with the local record store destination in mind.

Back when I was a kid, UCLA dominated this tourney for years. There was rarely a challenge (or faint hope) from anyone else. Though North Carolina State did rise up to overcome the dynasty. No hope then of some unknown "mid-major" knocking off the top seed. It was total domination from beginning to end. UCLA and their full court press! From the Lew Alcindor through the Bill Walton years .... and the year or two in between. They just don't form dynasties like that anymore!! Also there was no three point line, no dunking (at some point), no "one and done" players and no eligibility to play Varsity until one's Sophomore year in school. And I'm pretty sure that the concept of TV timeouts by the dozens had yet to be dreamed up. Those were the days as I recall ..... Or were they?

The King of Misery

You know ..... They gave you a position of leadership. Yet you don't seem to understand what that involves. You get a little bent out of shape about some imagined slight or injustice done towards you and decide to pull the basketball equivalent of taking your ball and going home. You think that you'll stay away for a few days and "show us" but it actually makes for a nicer day for everyone when you're not around. And surprise, a much more productive day!!! It's incredible what can get done sometimes minus all the bitching and moaning. And no one is holding their breathe anticipating your return. You bring constant misery with you. Do you really enjoy sitting in that stew each day while it bubbles away non-stop? Don't you get tired of it after awhile? Do you have any idea what people are saying behind your back? Probably not since you seem to think every act is part of a conspiracy to make your life more difficult. But guess what? .... Most of us have much better things to do then to worry and plot about fueling your personality disorder.

At times like this, I find myself thinking that just maybe, after some time for reflection, you'll return from your self-imposed exile humbled and with a new outlook and maybe with a degree of humility. I suppose that's too much to hope for though.

Life 101

Take a chance again. It doesn't work out as hoped for. Retreat and heal. I don't know any other way. I swear never again, but it never works out that way. Eventually I blindly jump back in. Does that make me a fool? The alternative is to live inside a shell. There are those moments where that's preferable.

Transitions

Word of a high school classmate who passed away a couple days ago. That's three acquaintances, all about my age in three months. It causes one to stop for a few moments and consider their own mortality. You go along all your life thinking that dying is just the rare random occurrence in your world. Suddenly it no longer becomes rare or random. Will tomorrow bring news of another?

Key Notes

It's a strange feeling. I take my car in for an oil change and tire rotation, handing over my keys to the guy behind the counter. While waiting, I wander down the street for a little breakfast. Being key-less is like being naked out in public. Each time that I reach into my pocket and feel no keys, I go into a mini-panic as the initial reaction is that I've lost them. No amount of inner assurances beforehand seems to prepare me for that naked moment. I think that it's a flashback of sorts to the panic sensation felt when you actually lock your keys inside your car or home. You just never fully recover. It always seems to be lurking in the shadows waiting to rise up and strike again. Like life having a little fun with my emotions. The joke is always on me!!

I always make a point to savor and enjoy those initial moments following an oil change, complimentary car wash and other routine basic services. Combined with the same day pre-service dashboard and steering column wipe down, interior vacuuming, removal of assorted items of clutter and a liberal spritzing of air freshener and it always feels like I'm driving a brand new luxury car. It helps to ease the aching and tempting yearnings experienced after walking through a lot full of new automobiles.

I look at those new cars all lined up so shiny and neatly and it's extremely tempting. I don't want to commit to monthly payments ever again but I do start calculating the trade-in value of my car and how much of a hit my savings account would take if I just walked in and said: "I'll take that one!!" It's a spur-of-the-moment daze that I often have to be shaken out of.

Friday Night Playlist

Classic Rock playlist. Tunes that should never be allowed to fade away or be forgotten ......

• Guess Who - These Eyes .... I was in a fast food place, one with a jukebox and overheard a kid, probably around twelve years old, asking his father for money to play The Guess Who's, "American Woman." Had the father not given him the money I would have had to. The youth shouldn't be deprived of great old music.
• The Troggs - Love Is All Around .... Good thing that in the 1960's, the British decided to invade us one more time!! Had they used music in the 1700's maybe we'd still be loyal to royalty.
• Jimmy Webb - Wichita Lineman .... Wish they still wrote songs like this.
• Gary Puckett & The Union Gap - Young Girl
• The Box Tops - Cry Like a Baby .... Hated this as a kid when it was a radio hit and seemingly being played every half hour. Have come to love it though in my old age. Funny how that works.
• The Bee Gees - Words
• Gordon Lightfoot - If You Could Read My Mind
• Steve Noonan - Buy For Me The Rain
• The Mindbenders - A Groovy Kind of Love .... "Can't control the quivering inside."
• Buffalo Springfield - For What It's Worth
• Tony Joe White - Pork Salad Annie

This could be the beginning of my demise. Discovered!! .... A KFC buffet just twenty miles away. I had previously only heard unconfirmed tales and fables of the existence of such places, all rumored to be located east of the Mississippi River. But a random word of knowledge led to a fruitful weekend mission of search and discovery. And the real shocker was the price!! I expected it to be double, maybe even triple what was whispered to me in hushed tones. I would have been happy to pay double. Might have even sprung for triple. It's not even double digits though. And that's in American dollars!!! It led me to inquire if it was indeed all-you-can-eat. It is!! The seemingly most expensive fast food place in the world when ordering from the menu has an incredibly inexpensive buffet!!

Ghost?

Maybe I do believe in ghosts after-all. A sudden turn and glance out the window at work and I thought that I caught a fading glimpse of two legs walking by. A more focused second look produced nothing. Whatever it was had vanished around a corner into that middle ground between afternoon and evening. Now that I'm distanced from the moment it's easy to call it a shadow or maybe visual lag from my bifocals but it did seem real at the time.

Notes

Just a collection of random thoughts running through my head of late .....

• It's funny. Typing away online in a place like this and I know that I'm spelling the word incorrectly yet the spell checker fails to catch it. Could I actually have gotten it right? 
• Few things quite as irritating for me as when driving along a country road (or any location) and suddenly before me is an image that I would love to capture with my camera, yet there is no where to pull over for a few moments and snap that picture. They should have thought of this when paving roads around the world ..... Turnouts every hundred yards. 
• The concept of growing old gracefully is an oxymoron. It may be possible in public where you can hide things from view but in private, behind walls, where you know the truth?
• Undertaking a purging of sorts .... of old documents, no longer needed. Records, twenty even thirty years old. Having to do a great deal of slicing and dicing in the process. It apparently used to be quite common to print one's social security number all over various pieces of paperwork. It was quite visible for all eyes to view. 
• I'm terrified of this feeling ..... of FEELING again. But it's happening regardless. Towards the most amazing person. I'm afraid to say any more at this point. Afraid of the jinx that follows me around, emerging once again. We'll see what the future brings. 
• A photo that I can truly appreciate .....

Bottom Feeders and Scavangers!!

Spotted Joanne's sisters going through her place today. Damn vultures. I know it has to be done but they they're too stingy and cheap to follow Joanne's wishes. They had her cremated with no service when according to several people, Joanne had expressed a desire for a funeral when she passed. It can't be a matter of expense because Joanne did have some money saved up. It's just a matter of greedy vultures wanting every scrap. Some of the stories of their behavior in the past are well known. What always shocked me is how if true, Joanne would let them get away with things. They basically took her house away from her. I'd ask, how they could actually do that? Joanne never could explain it. Never would attempt to explain it. She would just say that they took it, end of explanation. For someone who didn't seem to mind confrontation with people who worked under her supervision and other co-workers, she sure backed down when it came to family matters. So I'm watching from afar as they carry boxes of stuff to their cars. I might be wrong but from what I know, it doesn't exactly translate to family members grieving.

Those Birthday Blues

Another birthday coming around soon. After several years of attempted avoidance I might as well acknowledge it this time. The last ten have come so quickly. I try to slow down time with little success. When I was younger, I couldn't imagine the possibility of making it to this point. It's something to be proud of. It ought to be embraced!!

Teresa

Had a talk with Teresa who for years was Joanne's best friend at work. I could detect what sounded like a little anger in her voice ..... at Joanne's refusal to follow her doctor's diet advice. Though still friends, they had had a sort of falling out at some point in recent years and were not near as close personally. A few weeks ago she had attempted to make contact on Joanne's birthday to take her to a movie which had been a semi-ritual for them but had received no response.  I told Teresa that I had wanted to contact her yesterday when I initially heard the news but decided instead to let her enjoy her day. I knew that she would surely hear the news the next day. As we spoke I could hear her voice shaking, close to breaking. There's been decades of friendship between them and it suddenly ended on a cold and snowy day, in silence and separation with Teresa unable to help or say goodbye to her longtime close friend.

I've always interpreted and suspected, without official confirmation, though I've heard a few closely guarded and carefully selected words from both, that the falling out had to do with Teresa's decision to leave a job as Joanne's seasonal assistant in pursuit of a position that would offer more pay and security year round. Joanne felt slighted at the time and since had carried a little bitterness that she had not been able to get past fully or make complete peace with.

I especially feel for Teresa at this time because I know of her seemingly numerous trials and tribulations with life and because I consider her one of the more genuine, no agenda and well intentioned persons that I know.

R.I.P. Joanne

Just received word that Joanne has passed away. That the police received a request from her sister to check on her and upon not getting any response, entered her apartment and found her dead. It's been obvious the past few years that she was not in good health. You'd see it at work after climbing the stairs to the meeting room where she would cough and struggle for breath during the pre-work meetings. I was surprised to find out a few months back that she was a smoker. You would never see her smoking. She would do it in private and then douse herself in perfume to block the smoke smell.

She was planning to retire after getting through this year. It makes you stop and consider your own time that you have remaining ..... The sudden passing of these people that you've known for so many years.

Snow Of The Century ..... Errrrr Decade .... Well Maybe The Last Five Years Anyway

Snow! Snow! Snow! The last two days. An unusual event around these parts. Chains are required in Salem. I don't recall that ever being the status. There's always those dumb asses in their pickups, suv's and jeeps who think they are immune to slick conditions. Saw a few of those out and about.

It's funny but whenever it snows around here, it's the topic of about 98% of conversations that takes place between people. I'm sure that in some place like Minnesota or South Dakota, snow falls barely being noticed at times. But just the onset of light flurries around here has everyone dropping whatever they are doing and running to the nearest windows and doors to check things out.

Notes About Stuff

• Went to see the movie, Sole Survivor, last night. Wish that I had chosen something else. Not much plot development. Too much high tech explosions and people falling down slopes where they roll and bounce and roll making high speed contact with every tree and boulder (and surviving), blurring the visual images. It didn't feel realistic. And maybe I'm just getting old but there's too much volume. Turning down the decibels a little wouldn't hurt the film.
• I'm in Best Buy reading the song titles on a compact disc when a store employee interrupts and startles me. I purposely kept reading for three or four seconds before acknowledging his existence by looking up, hoping that he'd get the message that I desired to be left alone. What part of my body and facial language told him initially that I was puzzled and full of questions and that he should approach and ask if I needed help? 
• I can't ever seem to get warm or comfortable at room temperatures these days, always feeling winter's chill. Is this what life is like in those final 20 or 30 years, always feeling the extremes?
• Checker at 7-11 lamenting his midnight drive home after work tonight because the roads are going to freeze up. News Alert .... It's been between 22-24 degrees for the past 36 hours and snowing for the past twelve. Everything's already frozen up. Can't get much more frozen. 
• I must be bordering on insane! Out driving around, taking photos of things covered in snow at 11:00pm. But there's others of my ilk. As I was driving away, someone else was arriving with the same mission in mind. 

the big game

Mark this day down as another super bowl unwatched. Or am I supposed to refer to it as "the big game?" That's something like fourteen in a row for me that have passed by unnoticed. And I don't plan on watching in the future unless: A) The San Diego Chargers are participating or, B) They play it like every other regular season and playoff game. No hour halftimes. No ten hour pregame show. Stop taking yourself so seriously NFL. And it's bullshit that certain talking heads and media outlets are forbidden to utter the words "super bowl!" Especially so after it's over and done with (which I just heard).

Good Deed For The Day

After work this afternoon Juana's car won't start and she asks me for a push ..... to pop the clutch or whatever it is that people do to start pushed cars. So I push .... and push and push and were going nowhere quickly. Not even an inch or two. It's like I'm trying to push a house or the Titanic or something and probably looking pretty comical from a distance. She's giving me hell for not being macho enough to move her car. Then she discovers that the parking brake is still engaged. Anyway, we (me) finally get it rolling and it starts up and she speeds off. Not even a wave of thank you is offered. I'm just standing there in the wake of her exhaust fumes and dust. There had better be some biscuits and gravy waiting on my desk in the morning.

What I'm Listening To

Last night listening to Cat Stevens album, "Tea For The Tillerman" from start to finish. Start to finish ..... Something I rarely seem to do any more. Flash back to teenage years and a evening phone call from a friend telling me to be quiet and listen. He proceeded to play the record over the phone. I was hooked. One of those records where upon exposure, you would run out and buy it the next day. One of those rare records that still sounds as fresh today as it did 40 years ago. One that I always come back to. Catch me one the right day and I might just tell you that it's the greatest record of all-time.

I always hoped for a follow-up from Cat Stevens that could match it. While there was still some good music to come, I was never satisfied. This is the masterpiece!! That period from 1970-1975 produced several desert-island-disc masterpieces from different artists. Quite possibly the most fertile five years of the Singer/Songwriter genre. FM-radio playing various album cuts instead of the AM top-40 hits that had dominated until then. A great time to be listening and discovering new music. 

(Hand) Cleanliness Next To ....

I fear that I am morphing into a borderline Howard Hughes (minus the money) type of character. I've been moving towards fanatical in hand washing. I touch a door knob at work and feel a need to wash my hands. I want to see gloves on anyone who comes near any food that I am considering eating. I don't want to shake hands with anyone. I have a growing fear of touching computer keyboards that someone else has touched. Public restrooms disgust me. I suddenly refuse to use plastic forks and spoons that do not come wrapped. I understand now why some people are repulsed by the thought of going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and I'm currently trending in that direction also.

Why the sudden change after so many years of not worrying to this degree about such things? It's more a matter of having your eyes opened up than it is of aging and experiences. Of seeing someone who's oblivious about hygiene and being sickened by it.

Master Of The Crock Pot

Been working on my crock pot culinary skills and attempting to master chicken corn chowder. I can report that I'm getting closer and closer to perfection using tried and true recipes only as a guideline and with a heavy amount of experimentation. I considered for a moment the purchase of measuring utensils but quickly decided to wing it. It is quite a feeling of accomplishment when I see it all bubbling away inside the crock pot. Hopefully Mom would be proud.

Those Computer Blues

Three days ago (Friday) I was at work when the system that we use went down. I thought it was likely something minor and would be OK shortly. Was also told as much. Anyway, I woke up a couple IT guys from their afternoon naps and got them busy. When I went home two and a half hours later it was still down. I was starting to wonder if it was something I did? (Well not really because I was at lunch when it supposedly occurred.)  Today I see it being described at a "Catastrophic failure" of the system. WOW! And to think that I was the first to stumble across it.

Just when an old person starts feeling comfortable around a computer, something comes up to show you how little you really know.

The first IT guy that I contacted seemed bothered that I called. He actually asked, "Do you know who this is?" I was tempted to say something like, Yeah the IT guy at the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to issues needing attention. Because he is. His is the last name on the contact list and they always say to start at the bottom of the list. He's also the one from their group who I still had a favorable opinion of. The others all talk down to me or fail to recognize the urgency of fixing problems that crop up when it comes to what we are doing. If they are designated as the "on call" person, they act perturbed if you actually call. Anyway, this guy told me that he was on the road and couldn't help me. I wonder now how he feels after blowing me off in the middle of a catastrophic failure of the system, in progress?

And don't think that I'm not aware of how suspicious it all looks, with all this happening just a couple hours before the weekend kicked in and a scheduled Monday vacation day.

Not In Stock

Electronics shopping and I'm ready to buy after just a minimum amount of fretting about details and user reviews ..... record time for me, but only to discover that they don't have any in stock. By the time they get more in, which even if it would be five minutes later, I may change my mind. They asked if they could reserve one for me? Hell no!! There's too much time in between for me to decide otherwise. You should have been stocked or risk losing the sale. I was in an impulse buying kind of mode, though it wasn't an impulse item. Something I've been considering for awhile now. Better audio for the television with a minimum of wires and connections. Something that my technology lacking mind, could embrace.

Best Buy ..... About three dozen employees running around, which was about two dozen more than the number of customers in the store, and no one has the time to stop and help you. Yet when you just want to browse and be left alone, there's someone around every corner and in every aisle, approaching from behind every thirty seconds, startling you and asking if you need assistance. And no one can ever answer a question. They always have to go refer with their computer or go find someone else to help you. Why do they have so many people running around, asking if you need help, then upon being asked a simple and generic question, have to go find someone else to answer it? Then often, the summoned specialist can't answer without confusing you more than you initially were.

Mattress shopping too! The lady told me that in order to truly get an idea about a specific mattress that I needed to lay down on it for 5-10 minutes. The way my body works, I'd fall asleep after three minutes and have to be awakened when they wanted to lock up for the evening.

Catching Up With an Old Friend

Caught up with an old friend today. It had been over twenty years if both our memories are accurate. Sure doesn't seem that long though. Me being me, I was more than a little nervous beforehand but soon felt at ease in the conversation. It's amazing the paths that peoples lives take as they go farther along from youth into their 20's and 30's and beyond. How lives change and evolve from what you previously knew. How new interests are discovered and pursued over the years.

And believe it or not, it was my first sit down experience in a Starbucks. The holdout has ended. I felt like part of the world community for a few hours.

Dreaming

I have these dreams from time to time, where I've met a woman, someone that I'm totally mesmerized by. It's always someone who as far as I can recall upon awakening, is not a person that I've ever known in my real life world. And the dreams are different from other dreams in that they seem to last for hours instead of the normal minute or two and also that upon awakening, I feel regret that they were not real. I don't know where the woman in each comes from. It's not like I'm trying to conjure her up. I'm not aware that the woman even has a name. I've had maybe three or four such dreams in the past year and it's been a different face in each but the qualities have been the same ..... Kindness, gentleness, grace, beauty, compassion, humility. If I were a little younger and a little less jaded, I just might have hopes that the woman is somewhere in my future.

I had one of these dreams last night. The feelings were still with me after a day at work and now remain hours later. There's a yearning to find her. The dream is not enough. I wonder if it's a message to remain hopeful? Over the past year, I've lost whatever hope I had been holding onto. It's funny and I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but even though it's just a dream, the dream experience of being in love is real. There's a genuine feeling of longing that exists regardless of how it came about.

The Secrets Of Life

There ought to be a manual or handbook or cheat sheet. Or the wisdom of the elders in the spoken word tradition. Something passed down over multiple generations from caring parents to their children. Tips for little helpful secrets for dealing with life's common but embarrassing to speak of situations. A person shouldn't have to be in their final days prior to turning 58 years old before accidentally and blindly stumbling across certain things. There are some topics just not covered in the college class, Health 101 textbook. And no, I'm not making vague reference to the birds and the bees. I figured that one out on my own a few years back.

I thought that I was in a Bob Dylan song .... Stuck Inside of Sears With The Memphis Blues Again. Well to be accurate, I guess that was Mobile that Dylan was stuck inside of. What kind of a piss-ant town is this where the mall closes at 8:00pm? Isn't there some sort of law that malls stay open to 9:00 on week nights? Out mattress shopping this evening and after thirty indecisive and confusing minutes of feeling up various mattresses, I go to exit the store and run face first into a gate prohibiting entry into the mall and the most direct route, as the bird flies and as I walk, to my car. I suddenly had visions of giving those mattresses a full night test run. I mean, if I'm locked out of the mall, then I must be locked inside of Sears right? My mind was coming up blank on alternate paths to my car. Then a store employee, noticing the waves of panic washing over my expression, pointed out the "long way"  ...... Hell I'd rather just sleep where I was at. Good thing that I also had fish tacos on my mind or else I just may have curled up on those mattresses.

Hoops Daze

Television basketball commentators yesterday going on about how the Oregon State coach wisely uses his entire bench in the first half of their game, then a look at the statistics after it's over reveals two of those players with one minute of playing time and a third with two minutes. That's not using your bench. Why even bother to put them in the game if that's all the opportunity that you're going to give them?

Reminds me of when I was a teenager and playing in some church league game and the coach pulled me from the game after a few minutes and as I walked by him on my way to the bench he said to me, "Looks like your shot is not falling (going in) tonight." ..... I had taken one shot!!

I can't stand watching OSU games and the coaching these days. Why they continue to let a 6' 11" turnover machine waste time as he dribbles the ball aimlessly around the top of the key until he makes some dumb decision, is completely beyond me. Even when he is without the ball, he just aimlessly floats around the perimeter. Unless you are the second coming of Magic Johnson, the big guys are not supposed to be the primary ball handlers. Tell him to get his ass down near the basket on EVERY possession, and stay there!! Tell the other players not to pass him the ball unless he is within five feet of the hoop. They seem to be totally unaware of this. And if this is the strategy they should have been fired last week for incompetency.

New Music

Ok I'm a new fan of the band, Typhoon!! Thought they were just for the younger crowd but after watching several videos on YouTube, I've been won over! And they're local too!! Portland based with two or three band members from Salem according to Patrick working at the record store who thought that I (the old dude) was making a cool purchase. A ten-member group, mixing horns and violins with guitars and harmonizing voices, unique pop/rock tunes with a splash of Classical influences in strategic spots.

Listening To Voices

You want to listen to a persons story. One moment it seems like they want to tell it, they next it's as if they'd rather keep it to them-self. You want to signal interest and a willingness to listen but you don't want to intrude. It can be a very fine line. I want the connection but don't want to go where I'm not welcome. This person is much more complex then most of those that you spend your days around. If there's signals, they are much more sublime and difficult to interpret. The answers are not likely to be found in the, Developing Friendships for Dummies handbook. How does anyone ever know what to do in life? A question that I've asked many times before.

A music recommendation ..... This Side of Jordan by the group, Mandolin Orange. Americana. A mostly acoustic sound. Guitars and vocals with a fiddle weaving throughout. A little mandolin too!!

Lotto Madness

Stopped at 7-11 while on my way to work yesterday morning and there was a guy in there who apparently worked for the state lottery department, handing out free scratch-it lotto tickets to "anyone who was lucky enough to be there while he was." So I'm driving to work (I didn't want to appear to be too money loving and eager and scratch them right there in the store), ..... driving to work a few minutes later thinking, "This is it! This is good karma coming back around to me" (Because I've really been trying to be a good person of late.) and as soon as I get to work and scratch these tickets, I'm going to become an instant billionaire, or at least a sudden multi-millionaire (I was certain that this was my reward). ..... But no such luck or karma was present!! I guess my mistake was in getting all cocky that this was my time. I should have remained humble and unassuming. Oh well, maybe next time.

Playlist

Torrid Tuesday evening playlist. Sometimes you start listening to randomly selected songs and you never quite know where one will lead you to next .....

• Ellis Paul - The Speed of Trees
• Pat Metheny - First Circle
• Ellis Paul - The World Ain't Slowing Down
• John Gorka - Edgar the Party Man
• Mark Knopfler & James Taylor - Sailing to Philadelphia
• Paul Westerberg - Crackle and Drag
• Pearl Jam - Footsteps
• Greensky Bluegrass - Old Barns
• Great Lake Swimmers - The Great Exhale
• The Boxer Rebellion - If You Run
• Steve Noonan - Buy For Me the Rain
• Loudon Wainwright III & Lucy Wainwright Roche - You Can't Fail Me Now 

Temptation and Memories

Walked by my local record store yesterday and didn't venture inside. Do you have any idea how difficult that is for me? Awkward as well as my body was trying to go in two directions at once. I'm attempting to reduce the amount of visits that I make. Not that it's a New Years resolution or anything and I certainly have doubts that I can keep it up. Sometimes I feel like I'm just buying out of habit. Like if I walk in, I can't walk away without making a purchase. And if I do walk out empty handed, I feel like I'm letting the owner down. I fear that I end up buying things that I may never get around to listening too. Not that I'm giving it all up but instead I need to get back to stopping by when I have something definite in mind that I'm excited about.

It felt especially strange parking across the street from where Rising Sun Records used to be located. There was a genuine feeling of deja vu in the air. You'd need much more than all my fingers and toes to calculate how many times I was in that place in my youth. I know it sounds silly but I still feel the loss of all the record stores from much younger days.

You know that you're getting old when you can't remember the name of a band who you have several recordings of. Happened to me earlier. I had the band leaders name but that was all. Looked it up at the time and now I can't remember once again. Willy Vlautin ..... Portland band ...... Oh yeah, Richmond Fontaine. Had to Google Willy's name once again though for a reminder.

Is Perry Mason Available?

It seems that I'm going to be appearing in court quite a bit in the near future and racking up some frequent flyer miles in doing so. "Court notice" in my email spam folder each of the last three days informing of my scheduled appearances in Houston, St. Louis and San Francisco. No matter to the spammers that I have no idea what the bogus case might be about. Just click on the link for details. (And also get a free bonus virus.) Do these spammers actually get people to click on their links? I wonder where tomorrows notice will have me appearing? The spammers are beginning to follow the Richard Simmons business model  ..... Unwrap a new theme in their approach every few months. Come up with some new cutesy buzz words or phrase combined with repackaging the same old shit and send it out hoping to hook a few gullible suckers. It's just difficult to believe that anyone falls for this stuff these days.

Get To Work!!

The holidays now being a thing of the past, it feels good to get back into the normal work routine. All the vacation time used, jury duty and holidays during December and resulting days off, (as much as I love days off), makes it difficult to return when they are over. It's just easier to get out of bed and go to work each day when it's part of a normal routine instead of the constant disruptions. Sounds strange to say but it seems to be the truth. Not that I'm considering giving up the vacation time that I have coming. It's just that that first day back after a week or two away is getting increasingly difficult as I get increasingly older. The body is not liking it much. At least the spirit doesn't seem to mind.

Saw on a local weather website yesterday morning that it was 42 degrees but that it "felt like" 43 degrees. Why the hell even bother to post that? Can someone wander outside and actually tell the difference between 42 and 43?

Taking Notes (Continued)

Twenty or thirty year old memories are a funny thing. Totally unreliable it appears. Years erode details that you once had no doubt of. Take for example that I would have been prepared to swear on a mountain of bibles that the Crosby, Stills & Nash song, Southern Cross was included on their 1977, CSN reunion album. When in fact the song came out in the early 1980's. That's just not how I remember my history though. Then there's the JFK assassination. The topic of, where were you, came up recently. 1963 .... I was in grade school at the time. Myself and three or four classmates all remember it differently despite the fact that we were all likely in the same place when we were informed. Second graders were not given much freedom in those days to wander all around the school grounds. It was strictly regimented and we did everything together as a group. So why the differing accounts? Yet I am as positive of my version as the others are of theirs.

Today at the store, a guy stopped me and asked if I was from this area and where the closest liquor store was. I gave some vague directions but have wondered since if I possibly contributed to a drunk driver on the road on New Years Eve. Hopefully my directions where vague enough and confusing enough that he went off in the wrong direction.

A new year ....... People always act as if the year ending has been the worst in decades, full of plague, disease and plain old bad luck and that a new year is a new beginning and the transition point for bigger and greater things. Why? If you are in need of positive life changes and refocusing on what matters, why not make the required changes on and celebrate November 13th or June 25th .... or any other given day? A week or a couple months earlier would be better than waiting until January 1st. It's why I refuse to get involved in all the new years hoopla and well wishing. Why not do it EVERY day? Why is going from December 31st to January 1st a reason for renewed optimism and grand hopes for the future? The weather didn't suddenly go from freezing to balmy with putting up a new calender. As far as I'm concerned all it means is that I have a replenished amount of vacation time from work, plus the one day that I'm carrying over from 2013. That's a reason for renewed optimism. If it's anything like last year though, I'll have a hell of a time deciding when to use it. That's my resolution then .... to be decisive about taking a day or week off and not worry that I've left them in a bind. I guess all this makes me a glass half empty type personality. And you know, I'm perfectly OK with that.