Kick Me .... and Then, Kick Me Again

Have you ever felt like the lowest form of donkey shit?

If not, I may be able to enlighten you how it feels. 

My 50th high school reunion happened this weekend. 

I made a dumb decision a few weeks ago, not to attend and have been regretting it and kicking myself all weekend. 

I mean 50 years!! There won't be another of those. Half a damn century!!

And who knows, I could have hit it off with someone I didn't really know back then and made a new friend or two.

The list from our class seems incredibly long of the people that didn't make it to this point.

How much longer will it be in five years? Or next year even?

Hopefully not another name added but not likely. 

My reasons for not attending are mostly petty. 

I went for a walk in the park last night, sat at a picnic table eating tacos from a food truck, half listening to some Wanna-Be metal band (I don't care for metal music) ..... and told myself over and over how incredibly stupid I am.

Why do I run from human interactions?

I have a list of notions I've adopted about myself that I worry about but so what. 

None of us are 18 anymore ..... though from the photos I saw, one of the lady's doesn't look like she's much older. 😀

But I'm sure few of us have reached 68 without a wart or two, gray or balding head or extra few pounds.

I've always been shy, but not like this. It sure seems like I've reached an elite level of shy.

I didn't want to answer certain questions .... Married? Kids? Retired?

I probably could have survived the grilling though. 

I've received insider information that everyone was laughing and hugging. 

Not sure yet if I'm done with venting. I may return. I sure don't know how to end this, so I'll just stop right here for now. If you see me tomorrow, feel free to kick me. Kick me hard!!