Overheard

Overheard a little office chatter the other day ..... 

Voice #1: "What's that guy's name, Rick?"

Voice #2: "Who? The older crazy guy?" (FYI - Rick is three years younger than me.)

Me thinking to myself: "What's that make me? The ancient grouchy lunatic fringe guy?"

'Tis The Season

Two days away from work coming up.

This is what this time of year does to me .....

I just had to tell myself, for the third or fourth time today, that its Monday.

My body and soul are convinced that its Friday.

Had a dream last night where I was apparently attempting a comeback at slow-pitch softball.

And that there was a team that wanted a washed up 68-year-old on their roster.

Yeah really!! Well maybe not really. It was a dream after all.  

At my first batting practice in 20-plus years, it was swing-and-miss at the first dozen pitches.

So the pitcher mover closer ..... and closer.

As if that would help.

With frustration growing, I choked up on the bat handle, made contact and knocked the pitcher out with a comeback liner to his face.

And that's where it ended, with me standing over the pitcher wondering if I killed him.

Oh, and my ex-wife was on the scene as well.

It's not clear, upon four to six hours of separation from the dream, if she offered any batting tips or not.

Retreat

I keep making little additions and revisions to my music listening space.

I still want to find a working cassette deck.

But I think it's ready to be featured in the future book, Dust & Grooves, Volume 3.

It's become my place to hide-out in and escape to .... to get away from all other noise.

To get away from the daily human annoyances .....

                         ..... my retreat.

Vanished

Became extremely excited this morning while feeling myself up.

NO! Not what you're probably thinking.

Instead, I discovered that this decade long facial growth that was part of the reason that I've sported a beard for the past four years ..... it's no longer there!!

The unsightly dime-sized wart, or whatever it was, has fallen off. 

And so painlessly that I couldn't even tell you when.

My face feels smooth again ..... well except for the beard that is.

Now if I could only be sure that a sign or two of aging had also vanished, I'd consider a return to shaving.

The Weight

At work, wearing my freezer coat (and safety vest) and after an hour or two, I feel like I'm 88 years old.

(I'm actually 68. Don't tell anyone.)

I simply take the coat off and suddenly my legs feel like 18 again. 

Or perhaps 28 or 38. 😁 

Damn thing weighs me down both literally and spiritually.

Could it be one of those 'mind over matter' things?

Let The Sunshine In

I really hate it when you open the curtains and the December afternoon sun shines in and reveals all the places terribly in need of dusting. 😂

Life of Keys

It's comical how I get so uptight and nervous when I approach two inanimate objects .....

..... garbage dumpsters and storm water grates.

Afraid that I'll drop my keys and they'll be lost forever. 

Even if they are secure in my pocket, it's like I'm worried that they'll pop out.

I don't feel truly at peace unless the keys are safe at home, hanging from the reserved hook in the kitchen.

Because if you don't have your keys, you truly have nothing!! 

Imagine if I was one of those guys who wears his thirty-eight keys on a loop attached to his belt.

It's bad enough worrying about my six or seven .....

                  ...... one or two that I don't even remember what they are for.

Thanksgiving Day Notes

• Don't know what it says about where I'm headed in my old age, but I've been watching a lot of kitten rescue videos lately. I initially watched one and now they keep popping up in my YT feed and I can't seem to resist.
• My local used bookstore is going to start taking appointments from people looking to purge their record collections. About damn time that they branch out into used vinyl!! This town badly needs places for searchers to seek vinyl.
• Last night's fortune cookie: "A cheerful letter or message is on its way to you."  ....... OK ETA please. Maybe it was the bookstore news above?
• Taking my, preparing-to-go-to-my-sisters-house-for-Thanksgiving-dinner shower opposed to my quickie pre-work shower ..... there sure is a lot of working and semi-working parts to clean up. Quite the process.

Senior Advisory

It's funny ..... 

With these shorter days that have arrived at this point in the season, I don't care at all for the transition from daylight to darkness, and then a few hours later, thinking that the light is coming on way too early in the morning when attempting to convince myself to get out of bed. 

Seems that just maybe, I'm becoming more conflicted and difficult to please. 

Must be a senior citizen thing.

How I Spent My Vacation (Day)

Spent part of the afternoon at the local record shop /vintage drum shop, searching mostly for new/used jazz and obscure punk rock on seven-inch vinyl. Found a couple of the latter. 

• Drone - Voice of Reason .... from 1991
• Polar Bear Club - Blood Balloon .... from 2013

I know nothing about either record. Both are blind buys. Seven-inch vinyl seems like the ideal format for the punk and post-punk genre. I enjoy it in small doses. I don't know if I could handle larger stacks of records or longer listening experiences. 

I have been accumulating a small collection of punk. I laughed at it when it exploded in the late 1970's. I'm ready to give it a chance in my golden years. But don't tell my oldest friends. They might not understand. 

It's history to me. 

Found nothing of much interest in the jazz bins. I don't think there are many jazz freaks in this town. It's rare to stumble across an out of the ordinary title to take home and I've been on this mission for the past year or two of discovering other jazz directions.

Rule Breaker

In my old age I've suddenly become a radical breaker of rules and established norms. 👴

I no longer (or rarely) write in proper paragraphs.

And I don't care any longer what my high school and college English and literature instructors would think.

I prefer to write in lines of varying length.

To hell with the wisdom of the ages, I've moved towards what appeals visually. 

The List

I had to check one last time as I was on my way out the door.

The fourth time I had looked since arrival this morning. 

I kept thinking that my name was in there somewhere, even though I didn't sign up.

Maybe I missed it in my haste to buzz through all the names?

Or perhaps they posted a revised list after enjoying a practical joke on me. 

Or maybe I've reached a level of senility where I don't recognize my name any longer.

I just knew that it had to be there.

Because it's been so long since it wasn't.

Driving home, I was tempted to go back and check once again.

Warily I accepted my fate ..... that I didn't have to work on Sunday.

It all reminded of tenth grade.

I know, ancient history.

After several days of tryouts for the sophomore basketball team, a list was posted of those chosen to return the next day.

Those who made the team.

My name wasn't there.

I thought it had to be an oversight.

I had made the junior-high team the year before.

I probably perused that list half a dozen times that day.

"Why him?" ..... "Why that guy and not me?"

I likely held up the bus home that day just so I could make sure that I didn't need to be at practice.

Maybe the coach would see me and ask why I wasn't dressed down for practice? 

Or that he had made a mistake.

Or that his typewriter had malfunctioned when he made up the list.

I eventually accepted my fate from that day as well.

November Storm

I like storms and listening to them in the quiet as much as anyone.

What I don't care for is the mid-November rain and windstorms that strip all the orange and yellow from the trees.

The official start of winter should be a floating day that is decided in the aftermath of such storms.

Winter should be judged by look and feel.

At a wildlife refuge outside of town. Was caught in a downpour as I drove to this place, the rain eventually easing up in intensity upon my arrival. Like it was all pre-arranged for me. Just another autumn day in western Oregon. I was hoping for a rainbow to appear .... a friend told me that it's a better image without.

Your Day

I saw the other day, that it was your birthday.

I hope it was a great day for you.

I should have remembered. For quite a few years I did. 

I'm sorry that eventually it became less memorable until one year it passed without notice or thought.

We celebrated a couple of those days together ..... your day. 

For quite a few years it was part of what I held onto. 

It ultimately became necessary to let it go. 

I later wondered if to do so was a sin.  

And if you felt the distant change in some shifting of the universe and truth sort of way or moment.

(As if I'm qualified to speak on such matters.)

I remembered there was a time when we thought we'd celebrate many together.

I hope there was someone this year to remember your day.

Photo on a rainy day from a rose garden in seasonal survival mode. On of the holdouts from the cycles of time and the elements.

Emotional Swings

..... The thrill and excitement of returning home and finding a delivery on your doorstep resembling the size and packaging used for vinyl records and trying to remember what you ordered that hasn't already arrived .....

                                  ...... Then the sudden realization that it's medical supplies.  

Fake News

Classmates.com keeps sending messages saying that people want to see my picture and I keep replying: "No, they don't."

Now I'm getting messages saying that I've been spotted in my high schools 1971 yearbook. Well. unless their photographers were hanging out at local middle schools, I'm pretty sure it's not me being spotted in the high school yearbook.

And they keep wanting to sell to me the yearbook from my senior year. 

Is this a lucrative business? 

Don't all people, meaning 100% of everyone graduating from a high school anywhere, hold onto their original yearbooks for life? 

Especially from the senior year?  

Am I wrong in assuming that to be the case?

Am I overly sentimental? I was accused of that once by a friend. 

Isn't that one of the ten commandments .... Thou shalt not discard thy high school yearbook?

I still have mine. I've never considered getting rid of it in any of my random moments of downsizing.  

First Heartbreak

One of my earliest teenage crushes, infatuations, loves ..... whatever you want to label it, was a girl who moved from out-of-town, to my neighborhood a year or two before.

Very pretty, engaging and funny ..... and she enjoyed playing football in the street and bowling with us and would talk late into the night.

She was complicit in planning a surprise birthday party for me.

I'd give her rides to school and slowly (or quickly?) saw her differently than others.

Of course, I was always too shy to let her know of my feelings towards her.  

It was my secret. She never knew. No one knew. 

Fast forward and high school ended and friends went different directions .... to jobs or different colleges.

I was heartbroken to hear the news one day that she had become close with another guy.

Looking back, I'm not sure of the length of time that passed .... it may have been a four or five months or it may have been two or three years.

I was at mass one Sunday evening with a childhood friend.

We reached the point in the mass where names were read of people who had passed away and who the mass was being offered for.

We heard her name and looked at each other in shock.

No way we thought that it was our friend. Had to be someone with the same name.

I raced back to my dorm room after mass ..... I may not have waited for it to end.

I called home and asked my mom if it was true.

I don't recall now if she knew or had to make a call or two.

Soon though, it was confirmed that it was my friend. 

She had died in a house fire. 

She had fallen asleep, the house caught fire and she couldn't get out. 

I heard that people outside could hear her screams but the fire was so large at that point that they couldn't get to her.

I've always hoped that wasn't true. 

I've never forgotten her and still think of her from time-to-time.

Notes on the Years

Reflecting on an old classmate and friend who passed away a few days ago. I was away from home, jotting down thoughts as they came to me. I'm not going to attempt to organize or edit. Just going to put them down here as they arrived earlier. It may sound naive not make a great amount of sense but it's just me struggling with this place where I'm finding myself and talking from. Trying to find my way through it .....

A subject that I've written about a dozen times the past few years and thought about almost daily over the last year or two ..... Aging and people I know from my youth, passing away.

When you hear of an old classmate reaching the end of their years and visualize them in their youth .... in our youth.

And it sure doesn't feel like fifty or sixty years ago.

And you see them in memories, smiling and laughing. 

And you had your own personal encounters with them. 

And it's like: "How is this possible? How did we go from that point of youth and friends and shared experiences to this point where we are slowly dying off? How is this possible? Why couldn't we stay young?"

We didn't have the technology that youth has now but that was fine and enough.

We laughed a lot and told stories and shared experiences.

Just like our parents before us ..... and their parents ..... 

We went through our youth and the years after and have history and memories unique to our generation of teens and early 20-somethings ..... Vietnam, oil shortages, the '69 world series, disco and punk rock, etc.

And now why do we have to get old and have health issues and fade away?

We seemed so invincible once and without limits and now seemingly so frail.

Visualizing what we once were, it doesn't seem possible. 

Those times sometimes feel closer than last nights dinner.

I'll be driving along in my car reminiscing and it feels like a dream that I can reach out and touch.

Or that those times can still be (or should still be) our current reality.

Young and energetic.

Or like I can turn down the street where our old schools still stand and see all those old friends again.

And you probably once stood on this corner together, or this exact spot in this parking lot ..... and laughed.

And when I think of a specific person, I see them in my thoughts as I knew them back then and not like their latest photo on facebook.

And maybe that's why it's so difficult to accept that another has passed away.

And I doubt this is the end of these notes and thoughts so, to be continued ......

Mailbox Blues

Rarely so happy as today, to open my mailbox and find advertising for a pizza place .... and I don't even like pizza .... instead of political junk. 

And to the one candidate who has bombarded me in the past two weeks with at least seven flyers ..... you've lost my vote. I don't care if your opponent is running on the single issue of banning vinyl records. I'm still not voting for you. 

RIP Andy

I read tonight that the guy who was the number one "jock" (said admirably) in my high school class has passed away. Smuggled out of Hungary in a suitcase as an infant during their 1956 revolution against Russian rule, I went to the first two or three years of catholic school with him but didn't get to know him until high school.

Always fun to be around, I have one story that I have remembered over the years. It was two or three years removed from high school. We were both at Oregon State University and on opposite intramural basketball teams. His team had the lead on the scoreboard when I suddenly had one of those "in the zone" moments and made four consecutive jump shots as the lead changed to my team. Andy called a timeout and lit into his teammates. As both teams returned to the court, he was giving defensive assignments to his teammates and ended the session with a loud: "..... and I got Brown!!!" I went scoreless the rest of the game.

Years later, probably in our mid-40-something age ..... I was waiting at the KFC not too far from the neighborhoods where we both grew up.  Another waiting customer started up a conversation with me. After a moment or two, he sensed that I didn't recognize him. He re-introduced himself. It was Andy. He had moved out-of-state and was back to visit his family. I laughed to myself because he was one of the more popular, well-known members of our high school class and it was him recognizing me. I always thought it should have been the other way around.

R.I.P. Andy

"Boss"

A word I hear often from younger males, directed towards me and in a variety of my wanderings in these older years is, "boss."

Is that what the younger generations tend to use? 

Along with "of course" (usually used by females) in place of, 'your welcome.' 

Not that I mind being called "boss" .....

Sounds better to my ears and way less sterile or cold than sir or mister.

It probably wouldn't happen if I came off as a total buffoon and lacking in dignity or respect.

It kind of feels like I'm being looked up to or that I can be relied on.

So, I think I like it.

Time to Listen

Listening to music tonight ..... a guy named Jon Charles Dwyer. With an acoustic guitar, voice and words. I don't know much but I'm thinking it's the best way to spend a cool and rainy evening. I'd invite you over if I could. You're the inspiration for most of these later life moments. And you don't even know.

I think one of the easiest things a person can do is to write. I think one of the most difficult things is to make it interesting enough that anyone would want to read your words beyond the first sentence. That's a struggle I know.

My signature, which used to flow so easily from my hand and pen, in the past six months has become a major hassle. My hand keeps wanting to shut down after the fourth letter in my seven letter first name. And once forcibly and sloppily restarted, it doesn't seem to remember that I have a middle initial. There's no pain or arthritis or anything. It's just like my hand says: "ENOUGH!!" And now it's become a mental thing as I start to think about it as I finish off the second letter and begin the third. 

Blue heron taking flight. Captured this afternoon in an effort to elude the intrusion and aim of my camera. I get too close, and they take to the sky.

My Way

You know, I'm probably the only person in the known universe that buys a hot dog and then puts only mayonnaise on it ..... no relish, no mustard, no stinking cheese. Once in a great while, I'll substitute ketchup for the mayo. And I don't understand why my way isn't the norm.  

Time and Storms

I've begun to hate time.

I looked at the calendar today and realized that Thanksgiving is close.

How is that possible?

I'm not 69 yet but before I know it, I'll be 70. (Hopefully)

There are few things, if any, that are as relentless as time passing by.

I blame covid ..... and I blame my doctor. 

Finding numbers in blood tests resulting in being sent to specialists for multiple visits and follow-ups. 

So far I've emerged ok but it has seemingly had the side effect of speeding up times pace.

I've spent too many days and hours feeling anxiety about the next visit.

I truly dread seeing emails informing me that I have a new message on "My Chart."

I did take a little comfort the other day in overhearing my doctor tell another patient that he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do.

I mean, I've been feeling a little trapped at times.

Like I have to get this or that done.

Really wishing that I had someone like a son or daughter watching out and advocating for me. 

I hear noise outside as I type.

I assume it's a cat on my back deck, flip on the lights and see that it's the wind and rain.

Leaves falling ..... like snowflakes. 

I sure hope there's some autumn colors remaining in the trees in the morning. 

(I think there's an idea somewhere for another attempt at poetry in a few of those words.)

I haven't been out much with my camera yet, documenting autumn.

I think I'll sleep on the couch tonight with the curtains open and lights on so I can feel a part of the evening storm.

I don't want to wake up and realize that I slept through it all.

It was almost like they were performing a ritual dance. 

Got That Behind Me

These days, at this age I've reached, one of the greatest feelings I can experience in life is the feeling I get as I'm about to walk out the door of the doctor's office. I get so anxious beforehand and it's so nice to have the visit in my past and be at the point of the greatest amount of time between this and the next visit.

I always want to do something special afterwards. For me that means fish & chips and a visit to the record store. Yeah, I know. My idea of 'special' needs reworking. At my deepest level though, I'm basically a nerd. 

I walked away feeling a little sad. The specialist I've been seeing for the past year informed me that he was moving to Iowa. To a less hectic life. I actually could hear him as I waited, through the walls, informing another patient. When it was my turn, he apologized for the "sonics" of the place. I had begun to feel comfortable with him. (It's not an easy process for me.) Now I have to start over. He promised me that I'd like the doctor he was assigning me to.

I'm at the point where I just want to live out the years quietly. Where I'll only answer the phone or door if it's someone I want to talk to. 

No surprises, no drama. A minimum of difficult decisions.

That's all stuff for the first 65 years of life.

No loud noise .... well except of course for when I turn up the volume as I listen to music. 😃

Took this photo almost fifteen years ago while visiting a friend in eastern Tennessee at Christmas time. She drove me around the countryside looking for old barns. 

Difference a Minute Can Make

Wow, these swings are sure something.

(I won't say mood swings because it's much more than a mood.)

One moment you think you'd be lucky to have five more years.

The next moment, you're feeling like you could go on forever. (Even while looking on from the perspective of age 68.)

Seasonal rituals happening. Heading south I assume. A few stranglers following at a distance. The timing of it all fascinates me.

Hear That Voice Again

In the sub sandwich shop, waiting for my order, four guys at a table in the corner, each enjoying a bottle of beer and I hear a voice that instantly brought back memories and visuals of a co-worker/friend who passed away in the early days of covid ..... the voice this evening so eerily similar. 

I had to look twice to make sure that it wasn't my old friend.

It's been on my mind in the hour since. 

His passing at the time was a bit of a shock because you just don't expect to be touched by things until it actually hits you in the face but after a while, and a good amount of time passing by, you tend to forget ....

..... until jolted back to memory and life by the sudden tone of that familiar voice.

The title of this post, taken from a Peter Gabriel song.

Choices

At a food truck for fish & chips and was asked if I wanted cod or tilapia. Really? Is this a difficult choice for anyone? Are there people who would choose the tilapia? I would hate to discover that there is.

Merchant of B.S.

This is why I pay little attention to televised news:

And let me preface this with the fact that I'm certainly no big lover of the other side.

A CNN interview with a supporter, if not a key member of team democrat.

Asked four or five questions wanting a specific response and he said nothing.

What he did say had no relation in the least to the question that was asked.

It was like he had five prepared statements that he was going to use, no matter the question.

This is what I'm going to say to question number one .....

Then I'll follow with these b.s. words to question number two, etc .... 

I have no idea what the questions will be but here is the most generic, non-specific, vanilla thing I can say and I don't care if it has any connection in the least to the questions.

And so many interviews are like this.

Questions asked, no answers given. 

Great job CNN!! You too Fox and all others.

Why bother with insider and high-ranking team member interviews? 

They rarely say anything of substance or importance. They are bullshit specialists.

Just go to some actual news story that needs actual reporting and isn't subject to people taking sides, political speak and non-committal opinions. 

You should have cut that guy off, mid-interview, mid-sentence even and go to last nights baseball scores or live video of bears attempting to catch salmon in Alaska..

Stop wasting my time.

More This and That

From my back deck ....

I can hear the band playing tonight over at the former high school.

Friday night home game. I can still feel the excitement in the air.

Has it really been fifty years?

The team was winless my senior year but the feel of those Friday nights .... unforgettable.

I suspect that one could be lacking in hearing, speech and vision and still sense the moment.

Cut my partial head of hair tonight.

It was getting pretty scraggly in back, branching out in different directions and needing a handful of styling gel to keep it semi-under control.

My longtime friend Rosa, commented on it earlier today.

That's usually my indication that's it's past time to be shorn. 

Maybe it's the lighting in my bathroom and my eyes failing me, or maybe it's my cautiously hopeful attitude but there appears to be less gray in what was lost and what remains.

There's volumes of words and stories inside of me that I struggle daily to release.

When Peter Gabriel's album, 'i/o' was released last year, I enjoyed it but wasn't crazy about it.

Hearing the title song tonight (and others), what was I thinking? 

We waited so long for these new songs and my expectations were impossibly high.

Sometimes you just need time.

The greatness of this song is obvious tonight. 

Brief Flashback

I had remembered a smallish pension account that I tend to forget about and that I hadn't yet started, and it caused me to remember where part of that served time happened. 

Today, I wandered by the place .... the city offices that I used to frequent for 25-plus years.

Where for much of that time, I had keys and the code to get in at any hour and since I also had a fulltime job, I often showed up at weird hours where I was the only one in the building ....

.... well at least the only one on the third floor.

I wanted to feel the vibes and see if it looked different.

The concrete stairs felt the same. I used to bounce up and down those stairs ..... but not now.

The flashbacks commenced. But not for long.

The entrance looked the same other than appearing not to be an entrance any longer.

All the windows were papered over.

There were signs pointing two or three doors over.

Like no one wanted to help you. Not exactly welcoming.

It kind of looked like the services that we used to offer the community, had been totally deleted.

I'm aware that a few had been but it looks like the entire department is gone.

I didn't expect to see anyone that I knew since it's been at least seventeen years since I last set foot in there. But I saw no one at all. Is this a Sunday? A holiday? "Nooooo"  

Though it did feel like I had just left from my previous visit all those years ago.

I recall being in that office when the news of the start of Desert Storm came in and worrying that it was the beginning of the end of the world.

I read this morning that the city hall facility is going to be renovated beginning next summer to be more ready in case of earthquake ..... but it kinda appears that they are preparing to start tomorrow.

Even the atrium below looked barren and cold. 

That was always the look and vibe of the place since it' always appeared to have been carved out from a monster block of concrete but today it looked and felt much amplified.

I had cautiously wandered up there kind of expecting to be asked if I had official city business and to end up being chased away .... but there was no one around to chase me off.

It was a part of my world for a lot of years that few people ever ask me about.

I thought we did great things for the community and specifically for kids.

I genuinely felt the rewards back then.

Today I wanted to relive a little of that experience but walked away disappointed.

Nightmare #7621

A dream that some low-life sleezebag broke into my car and took various items.

The one I can recall though is they stole a vinyl record album cover .... but left the actual record.

Must have been a digital and streaming type of thief.

I think they must have been confused with how vinyl works.

The only other thing I remember is that I had parked under a bridge. 

A relief to wake up from that one and not have to make a call to my insurance company.

Perhaps I should walk outside and check my car before felling too relieved.

The Return

Came down with a nasty cold over the past weekend.

Was feeling pretty low both Saturday and Sunday.

Dragging all day at home and work.

Feeling faint.

Couldn't wait to get back to bed.

Thankful to be working with the office to myself .... to be alone in my misery.

Even thought it might be covid when I realized that I had lost my sense of smell .... and then taste.

Started feeling better Sunday night and thought I remotely detected both senses returning

But didn't truly realize the sense of smell had returned fully until I walked into the men's restroom at work Monday morning and met by a wall of recently used men's restroom odors.

YIKES!! 

I seem to have this freaky skill of coming down with bugs on weekends, holidays, birthdays and scheduled vacation days.

If only it could always be generic Mondays through Fridays.

Royal Pain

They said it was going to be simple .... easy and pain-free.

To me that means plugging in one cable without having to get on my hands and knees and contort any body parts.

No installing phone apps, scanning qr codes, locating small print serial numbers and creating new logins.

I'm of the age and general disposition where those things are giant hassles.

Had I known it was going to be a royal pain-in-the-ass, I would have told them to shove their new equipment up their ass and just let me continue my life with my lesser equipment.

I'm not noticing the difference anyway.

And they said it's free .... no increase in my bill.

You know because I'm such a good customer and they want to do something nice for me.

Well, no increase for now maybe.

We'll see what happens in six months. 

If that all holds true or they sneak a hidden increase in then.

I may be naive but I'm not that naive to blindly believe them without possessing a major amount of suspicion and skepticism.

And now to uninstall that phone app.

At least my Eggo waffles don't need s stinkin' qr code and phone app.

And while I'm bitching .....

Why do I keep getting these mailers every few weeks informing me that I can get auto insurance for $20 more a month than I'm currently paying?

And how did it get to be midnight already?

My History (Part 1)

Preface this to say, I don't know if there will be a part two or three or a few more words .....

I've made it through 68 and a half years of life, never with much of a plan.

Got married at 24, divorced a few years later and since have lived mostly day to day.

I went through my 30's and 40's waiting for a call from my ex that never came.

No real goals. Just survival. 

It seemed like everyone else around me, siblings, friends, co-workers, etc., had goals and lives.

I worked, came home, played a little basketball, listened to records afterwards .... that was my life.

Never went on exciting trips and adventures.

Never remarried or had children.

Besides my employment with one company for fifty years now, I also worked 20-25 years in youth sports programs. 

If people really have 'callings' in life, I felt like this was mine. 

It felt like I was doing something important. Like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.

It felt like I was making a difference in others' lives.

I received words of thanks and had random encounters along the way with parents and kids that I had worked with as coach, teacher, mentor, helper, listener and who had now grown up .... I'd often walk away in near tears.

I eventually reached an age where I wondered if I was young enough to still be relevant.

I'd have likely continued a little longer though had it not been for budget cuts resulting in youth programs and activities being eliminated. 

I always wondered how I could ever walk away, and suddenly it was done for me.

When I was much younger, I'd worry about how I was going to survive each year financially.

One day years later, I looked around and realized .... "Hey, I made it through all those years of uncertainty. Things worked out. I'm ok. I'll continue to be ok."

I really though had no idea of anything outside of about a fifty-mile radius from my home.

At age 44, I flew for the first time to visit a friend in Louisiana. 

Ten years later, I took the train to Couer d'Alene, Idaho to visit a high school classmate. 

A month later, I flew again to visit a friend for Christmas in Tennessee.

Broke my heart to be sitting in the Houston Texas airport and listening to a phone call from my 6-year-old niece asking if I'd be coming over for Christmas.

That's my experience as a world traveler. 

I have places I want to see, mostly historical like Gettysburg or Little Big Horn or vinyl record hunting destinations but am too chicken shit to follow through.

Then one day, it was forty years later.

(Time sure did fly.)

All those lost years waiting for my ex to call and then suddenly one day she sent a message.

After our split, she had eventually moved nearly 3000 miles away but had moved back to the area.

"Could we meet?"

We met a few days later and talked for six or seven hours.

She told me that she was sorry ..... that leaving me was the biggest mistake she ever made.

We're friends now (I think).

This may or may not be, the end to this journal entry. I'm not certain even as I type, if I'm going to actually post it. So, continuing and filling in details between the lines is even more of an uncertainty.

Why does this grammar checker always want to add a comma after I start a sentence with the word, "So"? It doesn't feel right or needed to me but I follow along with the suggestion. 

I was listening to the song, 'Ordinary Joe' by Terry Callier before going off on this journey through the past. I guess I'll go listen to the Neil Young song, 'Journey Through the Past' next. 

See what music does to me?

Sudden Words

Wrote down yesterday, what I thought was a great line that had suddenly come to me, to use in one of my attempts at poetry.

Looking at it now and wondering what the thought process was. 

"It wasn't the time for artificial senility now that reconciliation was close."

How did I want to use it?  

Is there more to come from it?

Was I half asleep when it materialized, and I thought it was such a revelation?

What's the meaning or idea behind it?

I've tried but have since been unable to add depth to it.

Maybe tomorrow or next week or next year? 

Some things take time and space for clarity to develop.

So, I'll hold onto it and see what happens. 

I probably have at least two dozen such notes just waiting for their time. 

I don't think of them as brilliant or revelatory or anything, but just maybe might lead to something. 

Maybe to assist in clarifying my world ..... or telling my story.

Caught rising as they were readying to assume their position of observation in the trees. It was a moment of almost frenzied activity. As if they were all being called to join. 

I think these are cormorants. 

Grumpy Old Man

At work this morning and a guy from night shift stuck his head into the office and asked if, "the grumpy old guy is here today?"

Hey!! I'm over here!! I fit that description.

But he wasn't looking for me. 

I love the half hour before the rain begins to fall.

When you can feel the winds pick up and the changes in the air.

I don't know if I'd call it the 'calm before the storm' .... it's not like nothing's happening in those moments.

You could be without sight but still sense the change happening.

There's a sudden cooling freshness moving around.

I don't know if it's a universal truth or a Pacific Northwest thing.

You experience it enough and you can begin to feel the rain, still somewhere in the distance but approaching. 

The major issue with taking days off from work is that it disrupts my routine.

Most of which I don't give a rats azz about but I've become so routine bound and found a comfort zone with taking my BP meds right before I go out the door in the morning and on days off it will be 1:28pm and I'll suddenly realize that I totally spaced it off for that morning.

And I'll be like: "Oh Shit!!!"

And I don't like to be like that in my old age.

This was taken at sunset a day or two ago. I keep looking at it. It may be one of my favorites. To me, it's saying that summer is over. The geese flying about overhead are more numerous. They know that they are headed south soon. The heron's reflection feels lonelier. Transition is taking place.

Old School Grapes

A post-work drive to the local farm market. 

Picked up some old school green grapes, not the steroid enhanced grapes (seemingly & allegedly) that you see in all the grocery stores.

I had thought them a thing of the past until discovering their existence here.

A taste and biting texture remembered and savored from my youth.

Or at least from before someone had the thought that making everything bigger was better.

And also added a slab of peanut butter fudge to my shopping cart.

It's not quite mom's fudge but it's yummy in its own way.

Now I know what to expect in heaven.

Hoop Dreams Again

Wow!! A basketball playing dream. 🏀

It's been a while.

Why am I never 68 years old in my dreams?

Wanting to impress a female friend who was watching.

(Not sure who but I have a guess.)

A high-level game ..... mid-game slipping into a different gear.

Playing defense with cat-like reflexes.

Suddenly realizing that it was how I could impact the game. 

Running the court with bottomless amounts of energy.

Constantly in the passing lanes!!

Snagging passes out of mid-air with one hand .... catching it like it fit into my hand perfectly.

Quick!! Fast!! Sleek!! Lithe!!

Changing direction without stopping.

Becoming a defensive monster ..... The second coming of Scottie Pippen or Gary Payton amplified.

(All these guys these days that they label, "shut down defenders" are nothing like I remember those two.)

Who knew that I was capable? 😆

Just as suddenly, it was over.

What a dream!! 

Dreams apparently, don't always have to reflect realty.

The real me, would much rather take a jump shot than spend all that energy on defense.

And why do I always wake up before an ending is reached?

More This and That

 A lesson learned .....

Never buy ice cream when there is the potential for a great sunset on the drive home.

I was torn between detouring to take photos and getting the ice cream home to the freezer before it melted.

I love 1950's spilling into the 60's, bad Sci Fi movies. 

With actors never known for anything but parts in B-movies. 

And a $100 budget for special effects.

Best viewed late at night. 

Especially if they involve prehistoric monsters and birds, giant mutant spiders, evil robots, the moon, malfunctioning time machines or Martians.

But then what decent sci fi flick doesn't involve those things?

Sometimes it almost sounds like Alexa is copping an attitude towards me.

Like when I regularly respond to the morning alarm with "Snooze."

She doesn't seem to like my sneaking a few extra minutes of sleep.

Like she wants me to get out the door as soon as possible so she can have the place to herself.

Vacation Day

Got cleaned up 

Put on a rarely worn long sleeve shirt .... the shirt color shade of blue seen for a few brief seconds back in 2017 (I think it was) when we had the shadow of a total solar eclipse pass us.

Put on my man bracelet and watch, spread some styling gel into my existing grayish/brunette hair and spritzed myself with a few shots of designer cologne .....

.... and ventured out into the world.

It feels good to occasionally elevate myself above my usual exhausted slob just off work look.

I've been wondering what happens out there, Mondays through Fridays between 7am-4pm as I rarely see the streets during the morning and early afternoon hours beyond going to and coming home from work? 

I really need to take a few more days off.

Days off are needed therapy sessions

Saw a truck with Portland Trail Blazer vanity plates that read: NOMR3S .... a sentiment I partially agree with. 

These constant back and forth, 3-point shooting contests within each game is ruining basketball.

I've held that belief for two or three years now.

I think teams ought to be limited to five per quarter.

Then a panel of old schoolers can re-evaluate visual results and formed opinions and reduce further if needed.

But I digress.

I headed for the record store, bookstore and my favorite bakery. 

Greeted by the record/drum store co-owner who informed the part-time employee that whenever he sees me I get "a special discount."

I'm thankful to have earned the senior privilege in her eyes. 

Found a couple seven-inch punk vinyl records and a seven-inch, "Shout" by Tears For Fears."

Also found a couple full sized vinyl records .... one by David Friesen, an Oregon jazz acoustic bassist whose recordings I enjoy. I've never seen this one that I can recall .... even on Amazon. 

I love its front and back cover art/photo!!!

Only $3 ..... I haven't checked yet but I suspect for the price, that the vinyl might be a bit scuffed up.

Hoping to be wildly surprised though.

(Wow!! Besides a thumb print which should be easily cleaned, it looks like near mint condition.)

The fact that they had this record changes their status in my mind from a drum shop, dabbling in records, to the records and drums getting equal billing.

To me, there's few thrills that equate to flipping through bins of records and coming across something unusual like this.

At the bookstore, I found a collection of photos from east-European 1930's. 

At the bakery, a half dozen cookies.

Then took a little video of a small man-made waterfall to possibly be used in a video project.

That may be my new obsession ..... the making of bad videos.

Felt like a genuine human through all this, not the robotic 'Lost in Space' presence I've taken on of late. 

A question that came to mind: Why is thirteen called a "bakers dozen"?

Shouldn't thirteen be a customers dozen and eleven be a bakers dozen?

Back cover photo from the David Friesen vinyl that was stumbled across today while digging through bins.  A 1977 recording.

Box Score Beauty

This is why I've checked the baseball box scores since I was eight years old  ....

Shohei (I don't think I need mention his last name at this point) .... 6 for 6, 10 RBI's, 2 doubles, 3 home runs, two stolen bases ..... in one game!!

Never seen one quite like that. 

I guess that blows apart the old baseball wisdom about not batting a power hitter in the leadoff spot.

If I still received a physical newspaper, I'd cut out and laminate that one.

He's getting to be like the sum of Ichiro plus Hideki Matsui plus Sadaharu Oh squared!!  

I hope Dodger fan isn't disappointed if he goes 0-4 tomorrow.

Ichiro from May 2010. Photo taken from my seat behind the third base dugout in Seattle. 

We Have a Problem, Houston

I genuinely try not to be too negative in real life .... too snarky.

But sometimes it's difficult to resist.

And I don't deny my semi-sarcastic nature.

This guy on the phone with his girlfriend speaking of the need for beginning a gym routine and his frustration with his bodily condition.

I couldn't help but think .... "Gee, maybe the four giant size big gulps on your desk and the oversized cannister of chocolate covered cheese balls and other assorted snacks in your man purse are a contributing factor?"

Yes, four drinks!!

He had three ..... I took a photo and sent it to a retired co-worker. He ran an errand and returned with one more.

I don't claim to be anti big gulp. I had my share in my younger days but never four at once.

I don't touch the stuff now. 

And to be fair, one of them may have been a triple chocolate, whipped cream latte spritz with extra sugar.

I also thought: "Stop wearing your little shorty shorts and thinking you're one of us when we're all wearing freezer gear and spending half our time in a minus five-degree environment."

But I guess what annoys me most is the old man sounds he makes as he comes and goes, sits and rises.

He's 30-something!!

Hell, I'm an actual old man and I don't make any of those sounds.

Notes on These Later Years

I watched another sunset tonight.

Took in the autumn vibes swirling around me.

And made it through another day, body and soul intact.

I don't know what I once thought these senior years would be like.

I rarely have a day where I don't wonder about how much time is left.

Five years? Ten Years? Less or more? Tomorrow?

All those years where I wanted to speed up time and now I'd give up just about anything to slow it down.

To experience again some of the pleasures (and pains) of youth.

Or to feel like there's more out there than just wandering through these later years of a life.

Sometimes I'll catch a video or story about some sort of dire prediction for the future and I think to myself .... "With a little luck I'll be gone by then"

But I don't really want to be gone.

Sometimes being alive frightens me.

But all thoughts of someday being gone, frighten me.

Feels like the ultimate dilemma. 

Do people ever truly make peace with that eventual certainty?

These thoughts are accompanied by youtube audio of  'Thursday Afternoon' by Brian Eno ..... whatever unrelated music I was playing before just led to this and it feels appropriate .... Spacey, moody, floating above it all, no fear of falling.

I started an attempt at poetry about three weeks ago on this getting older thing.

Had what I thought was a good start and was making good progress when I came to a wall.

And I've been unable to continue since.

So I've been waiting ...... to see what comes next or if it's finished as is.

I've asked before ..... how do the real poets know? 

I read the comments on the Brian Eno video.

One person commented that his mother told him that he was born while this music played.

Imagine that!!

It reminds that my mom told me that when she was eight months pregnant, that she was hit by a train one dark and foggy night, demolishing all of the car except the seat where she (and I) sat behind the steering wheel. 

I took up photography around the time that I walked away from playing basketball.

I don't think I was aware at the time of the hole that was created and that photography would help fill it.

I've discovered an equal level of excitement and enjoyment.

This photo of a heron with the creek waters swirling around was one of my earliest efforts.  

Sunday Evening Sunset

Sunday evening autumn sunset. It was difficult, as always, to turn and walk away. If it wasn't for the necessity of darkness moving in, I might have never left. Because I'm never satisfied. But even more so, I'm always worried of what I might miss. And I'm always excited at what potentially lies ahead five or ten seconds down the line. And there's also that part of me that thinks I'm documenting each of these moments in the history of the universe. That seems like kind of a big deal in the way I look at my world and passing time. That exact moment will never be possible again and I only have that instant to capture it and prove that someone was there.

I was approached by a guy that wanted to share a bit of his writing. He handed a couple sample pages to me. Then as I saw his wallet appear and thought he was about to ask for payment, he instead pulled a $20 bill out and offered it to me to go on amazon and buy his book. I told him to keep his money and promised to read the gifted words.

It seemed like an odd (and slightly uncomfortable) way to generate some word-of-mouth or buzz for his work.

I mean, if he can afford to give people money to read his words, then why is he approaching a stranger?

Spend it on an advertising campaign.

I'd be more likely to check it out that way than I would be when made to feel suspicious and uncomfortable.

I will look at it eventually though I have this feeling that it will be above my intelligence level.

Or an effort to convert me to a cause or belief.

But I'll give it a chance. 

This was the second time recently where I've been approached in this same exact spot by a stranger wanting to share printed words with me.

And these guys just seem to appear out of nowhere. 

Like they were hiding in the bushes waiting for their moment. 

Do they think that causing wariness is a proven sales tactic?

So I'm feeling a little leery ..... like why are people just walking around looking for someone to intrude on their moments of enjoyment?

I don't go out the door thinking I need to be suspicious of anything that moves but I'm being pulled towards that attitude. 

Notes and Such

Just more notes and such that have been accumulated since the previous musings .....

• I had the jazz radio station on, and it was apparently the jazz-funk hour and there was what I thought was a perfectly timed synthesizer made sound in the music that I'd never heard before ..... came downstairs to discover that it was actually some hipster bird in the trees off my back deck, squawking in rhythm. 
• It sure is nice when you discover these little fixes for little daily problems that in your mind have become major life issues.
• The lady at the admittance table for the art fair asked me today if I was older than 55. 😀 How nice of her. 
• Today's fortune cookie: "You will be coming into a fortune." Sure wish there was an estimated date included.

Recent Acquisition

I recently bought this card on Amazon.

I don't know why it stuck out to me.

Never heard of the guy. There's nothing spectacular about the image. It's not an action photo.

Just your basic high school yearbook, smile and shoot type of photo while wearing a baseball uniform.

A 1958 Topps I think, though I'm not positive it's an original or reissue.

None of the glitter and shine of cards from the last 30-plus years.

Not even a Yankee.

Maybe I heard Joe Garagiola mention his name during a 1970's televised game and am responding to that on some subconscious level?

I was just browsing, looking at images, prices and ETA's .... ETA being huge with me.

I don't want to wait two weeks, or even two hours, for delivery of anything.

And I have a thing for cards from the 1950's and early to mid 1960's.

Perhaps because 1956-1964 were the first eight years of my life and I began following baseball with the 1964 world series (as I recall) .... so anything that still remains unknown from those eight years before the game became part of my world is fascinating to me. 

Or quite possibly because I'm still basically just a geek/nerd/dork?

So I looked at his MLB career statistics ..... the minor league numbers on the back of the card looked impressive.

His MLB numbers, not so much.

Fourteen game appearances, zero wins, two losses .... and ERA of nearly 8.00 (Yikes!) and a negative WAR number, which I assume is not good.

I don't care much for these new-fangled stats, like WAR, that became a thing long after my youth.

So maybe Joe G never mentioned him. 

Love / Don't Love

I love when I find another of these older books of poetry (1950's-1970's) published by Wesleyan Books.

Thinking of re-arranging one of my bookcases to have a shelf with only their works.

Consistently great book covers! Even greater words!!

Conversely, I'm not fond at all for when I hear a song that I don't much care for, and it ends up on a loop in my head for the next 24 hours. 

I want it to stop! I don't even know most of the lyrics. But it keeps playing.

And it usually takes some sort of crisis to distract from that auto-play state.

Not even a song that I love can play over or drown it out.

Current case in point .... That 80's Culture Club song, 'Karma Chameleon.'

It came to mind from some abyss and won't go away. 

It's Official .... At Least In My Mind

The transition to autumn happened tonight.

At least in my mind it did.

And I was there to 'feel' the moment .... the first autumn breeze.

I quietly celebrated the occasion. 

In the parking lot of a Walgreens.

There were times a year ago where I wondered if I'd see this moment.

So I'm thankful tonight. 

You can't plan for these moments.

When I was a teenager, I swear I once felt the moment that autumn transitioned to winter while I was picking up the greasy shed walnut pods in the backyard of the house I grew up in.

In my ongoing obsession with songs, today I've been listening to various versions of the song, 'Rogers Park' by Justin Townes Earle.

Remembering the night I saw him in concert in Portland.

I was a huge fan of his father but knew very little about JTE before that evening.

His talent was so blatant and obvious.

I wasn't sure at the time thinking it might just be his mannerisms, but I think his demons were on display as well. 

R.I.P.

Approach of Autumn

I gage the approach of autumn by the increasing number of fallen leaves to be swept daily from my deck.

And the feel of the night at 2am .... when it changes from wearing a t-shirt to the need for longer sleeves.

And the detectable cooling difference in the evening breeze.

I used to work nights and often outside. You can tell when the change occurs.

Almost the very precise moment if you are present.

And it's like there's a sudden urgency of summer trying to hang on just a little longer, resisting autumns intrusion .... or its subtle invasion.

This is ritual to me.

This is what I hope to survive to each year. 

It's what's now happening!!!

And again, I am very thankful.

The Bearded Man Chronicles

Three years ago (or was it two?) when I started a different position at work, I marked my newly found freedom by growing a beard.

It may be with me for the rest of my life. 

I'm afraid now of what might be revealed should I shave it off. 

Afraid of discovering senior years related advancing facial transformation and erosion .... saggy, loose skin, lines, age spots, etc. 

I used to think that I looked younger than my chronological age.

But I saw things starting to change ..... reacted with the beard .... and who knows now, what lies beneath.

I'm afraid of the possibilities.

And it was at this point in the 'Bearded Man Chronicles' where I dropped everything to go look at the setting sun. The smoke in the air from Oregon wildfires enhances the appearance of the sun. My camera cannot capture the scene accurately. 

Radical and Weird

I'm a well known rabblerouser with dangerously radical ideas.

Well maybe not so well known and I'd rather cause trouble sitting on my couch, listening to music as opposed to getting around in public'

And mostly my ideas are more weird than radical.

So, it's my idea that senior discounts ought to be universal and 50%.

I've paid full price since I was old enough to carry a wallet and pay my own way.

Over half a century.

If I want a filet-of-fish sandwich at McDonalds .... half price.

A vinyl record .... half price.

A $2000 zoom lens for my camera ..... one thousand dollars please.

Sunrise a few days ago. The beginning of another day. It never becomes ordinary, and I never fail to take notice.

This Old House

I drove by this place whenever I chose to take the alternate route home from work. Standing alone in a field, just a short distance outside of town off the old Portland highway. For years I drove by without noticing it. Then one day it was just there!! And after that I couldn't help but notice it. I became obsessed with it, stopping several times to take photos of the place from fifty yards away.

And now, they've torn it down. There's nothing left. Just a sign at the long entrance way that warns: "Absolutely No Trespassing." Why 'Absolutely?" Does that provide extra emphasis.in the warning? Does it imply danger?

I wondered if anyone lived there recently?

I wondered what it was like inside looking out during a storm?

I wanted to get more photos ..... with a dark sky behind it. And in the fog. During a downpour. With a fiery sunset behind it.

I noticed a pickup truck parked outside once but otherwise it always looked vacant.

I thought it was probably haunted. 

Was the sound of footsteps on its floors amplified?

Did strange sounds echo through its rooms and hallways at night?

What was its story? Who knows its history?

Who spent their life there?

The R-Word Again

It's getting more frequent ..... these moments each day where I think to myself: "I could just walk away from this right now."

I still don't think I could actually follow through but I'm thinking about it now.

That's a step closer than I was a few months ago.

"I could just turn around, walk to my car and go home."

Maybe I'll go through the motions tomorrow .... and see if I stop short and go back.

I still want to make it to fifty years in this place. 

And I have this goal of saying I was still working at age 70.

Dancing With Strangers

Heard a report on the radio where all I really heard is whatever was being discussed compared to "dancing with strangers" while walking down a sidewalk.

It caused a flashback to the most terrifying moment of my life .... asking a girl I didn't know, to dance.

Ninth grade ..... middle school dance ..... Boys on one side of the gym, girls on the other.

I don't recall her name. I'm not even sure I knew it at the time.

Surely though, she knew mine. Afterall, I was on the basketball team. 

I was wrong.

I was always comfortable on and knew my way around the basketball court.

But in this setting it was like the longest walk of my life through a mine field.

Should I ask? Yes! No!! Yes! No!!! Do it!! Go home!!!

I'd danced with girls before but to that point they had been girls I'd known since Catholic school, grade one.

This was public school year one and a stranger. I knew her from seeing her around the halls of middle school.

It had to be a slow dance song. I wasn't about to risk further embarrassment with awkward and robotic fast dance moves. 

It took every bit of courage I could muster to close my eyes and stroll across the floor to where the girls were sitting.

I'd love to hear a recording of my voice in that moment.

The fear and trembling must have been obvious.

She said yes!!!

By then, after identifying the proper song and slowly making my way across the court, there may have only been a minute or two remaining for our first dance.

We finished the dance and went our separate ways.

I'd conquered my greatest fear to that point in life .... well besides snakes and the nightmares of falling from a cliff and seeing Russian tanks coming down my street.

Taken the first day of September 2024. Autumn and cooler temperatures are getting close.

 I only had a few seconds to try to get a photo or two before they took to the sky.  Of course, I wasn't ready for that just getting a fuzzy photo.

Change

Been so stuck on auto-pilot lately ..... work - home - dinner - sleep - back to work ..... that I woke up this evening from falling asleep on the couch thinking it was 5am (it was actually 11pm) and bemoaning the thought of going back to work ..... and then the sudden realization: "Hey, I took a vacation day for Friday. I don't have to go anywhere."

So, I'm thinking that I may have to try this vacation thing again.

I still have five weeks and two days remaining for use before the end of the year.

I always feel like I'm letting someone down if I don't show up for work.

I wasn't always this way but that's what 20-25 years as a supervisor did to me.

Then I look around and see other people coming and going as they please and decided that I want a piece of that action. 

My old boss asked me in front of my current boss, if I'd like to come back to my former job.

When I left that job, I had second thoughts for a few months but now am so glad that I made the switch.

Though I still stop, look around, and wonder what if I hadn't made the change?

I miss aspects of that job.

But much longer might have killed me!!

That's meant to be taken literally. 

It had gotten so chaotic with not enough help. 

And I was getting to an age where I just couldn't deal with it any longer.

And I think that my current boss recognized that and offered an option with much less stress.

Actually, as it was described, with no stress ....  but I tend to create it for myself anyway. 😅

I think my efforts for all those years were recognized and rewarded with the opportunity for a change.

It's been three years since that change, and I am incredibly grateful. 

I'm allowed to carry out my daily responsibilities with minimal supervision or question.

And the only person that I answer to asks me regularly if I want to go out in the parking lot and fight.

So maybe I'll go hunting for vinyl records on my vacation day. 

Or maybe I'll do nothing at all .... though I'm thinking that breakfast somewhere would be really nice.

I'm not anti-going places but I don't much enjoy driving these days so it would be nice if I could just magically materialize in record stores around the northwest.

So it's now 2am and I'm listening to a Greensky Bluegrass album.

Music at this hour used to be my norm. Now it's a vacation day activity.

I was watching a vinyl community video earlier of a guy showing off his estate sale finds .... mostly the usual stuff you see all over ..... and thinking: "Man, when my siblings hold an estate sale for my collection, someone will be finding a few different titles and sounds."

And as eclectic as I think my choices are, the vinyl community shows me that there are people with far more varied and unusual leanings.

So I strive to keep up with the progressive vinyl Joneses. I attempt to get farther from center.

But there's so much further to go.

A few months ago I purchased an acoustic guitar based drone album.

And a few weeks ago, I picked up what I'll describe as a 'contemporary post-punk rap' album.

And I grabbed a few titles from the "Punk" section of the record store.

And I've been exploring all kinds of different jazz sounds. 

My oldest friends would be shocked!! They might just think it heresy. Ot at least, travesty.

I think it's all far out and groovy.

A fiery sunset from earlier this month. A vision that never becomes ordinary. Each image, even seconds apart, is unique. Each is viewed with the thought that possibly it will be the last one presented.

If only every evening ended this way. And each morning the same.

Additional Notes

Additional notes for future members of the universe to consider while navigating life .....

• These little household cleaning and organizational chores that seem so insignificant sure add up and multiply in significance when you ignore them for two or three days. Always do your chores when they need doing. Procrastination sucks!!
• Everything seems to look good and be a nice fit in those department store dressing room mirrors. I think they are designed to provide an extra complimentary impression. When you get in front of your mirror at home, it's sometimes a different story.
• As cool as getting music delivered to your front door is, it will never eclipse the experience of finding it "in the wild."
• I have my morning alarm set for 5:45am. You would be amazed at the number of times that I've awakened at 5:44am.
• Occasionally, I get in the middle of typing away on my keyboard and reach a point in a word where I forget where I am and what letter comes next and I end up winging it and get some interesting results.
• Found total agreement with my boss on a subject that I see so many people dissing ..... mayonnaise greatly enhances sandwich enjoyment and is necessary in life.
• Hate it when ....  I unearth one of my rarely played vinyl records and I'm thinking: I never see this anywhere, it has to be worth something." And it is .... According to Discogs the median price is $1.77. 🤣