Not Sure What To Title This

I'm pretty sure that I've found the ex on facebook. The profile photo resembles what she might look like thirty years later. She's under a different name which I guess I'm not too surprised about. She was into astrology and expressed interest back then in the new age movement and a local influential personality in the scene. With what I knew at the time, it doesn't seem a stretch that she might have dived in deeply and decided to advance in her commitment hence possibly the funky name change. Maybe she's advanced to the level of some sort of guru these days? There are other little hints as well as to her former identity.

Then I guess it's quite possible that I could be totally wrong about all this. Though I'm thinking that I'm not. Why it matters? I'm not sure. I suppose there's always an interest in how old friends ..... and ex-wifes, are doing. Especially when you've heard the equivalent of nothing for thirty-plus years.

Is that how it is with most ex's? Seems like the majority have some measure of contact or source of information. Even the ones without children. But for me it's been like she never existed. Like the time together was just all a dream.

For years, I would go nowhere near her hometown. Even when I had heard that she was living three thousand miles away. I had issues with anything that I associated with the hurt that the break-up caused. The only way I knew to deal with it was through avoidance. I had tried the professional advice route but could see that there was little they could do but listen (for $40 an hour if I recall the rate correctly). Eventually I conquered that fear and others. Made peace with the ghosts. I had to find my way out sometime though it was far from a quick process. That sort of shit changes your heart. It's caused many of the memories from those years to be a blur. I chuckle now when I think that I could probably write a best selling self help paperback book on what I went through and learned.