I had flashbacks to the Christmas Eve when my father while experiencing chest pains and shortness of breath and wanting to get some fresh air, asked me to take him for a drive which after two or three refusals eventually resulted in his silent agreement to let me take him to the ER and the confirmation of a heart attack. It was the following summer when he passed away.
Each of those occasions in that house, which by my count was twenty-two Christmas Eves, were full of family and food and with an exception or two, much laughter. So much has changed since then with the house being sold, siblings celebrating in new ways, and the passing of a sibling and my mother. I drove by today thinking that I should be allowed to stop and walk in without even knocking on the door. (Would the current residents understand?)
And it's all passed by so fast. It's now like I closed and opened my eyes and everything is different. And I mostly try to avoid all celebratory observances and look forward to being on the other side of it but yet I miss the excitement of those old days.
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