Tilly

I lost a good friend a few days ago.

Her son called and left a voicemail .... Please call me back.

Hearing it was possibly a more frightening moment than the actual news. Because you just suspect it's something bad.

He told me that his mom passed away in the early morning hours after Christmas night.

That she was fine at Christmas dinner but started feeling chest pains shortly after midnight. 

She was rushed to the ER and they thought she was improving .... and then her heart stopped beating.

I've known Matilde (Tilly) for 45-plus years. We worked together. Our birthdays are one day apart though she was born a year later. We each were married on the same exact day in 1981.

We connected long ago as friends.

She once introduced me to her best friend and husband of all those years who shook my hand with a vicelike grip .... like he was saying, 'Don't be messing with my Tilly.' 

She introduced me to all four of her children, all so polite and respectful.

She introduced me to several nieces and nephews over the years.

She was all about family and relatives. 

She would often make this chicken & dumplings with rice dish for her family and always make enough to bring some to work for me.

There was often berry cobbler too. I called it "Tilly cobbler."

She had retired from work three or four years ago.

Her husband, Rey, passed away a year or so ago from cancer.

Tilly had been calling me weekly for the past five or six months ..... just to talk. Calls that would last two or three hours. 

Inevitably a son, daughter, niece or nephew, would arrive at her house during each call. 

She certainly was loved and not forgotten.

I last heard from her two or three days before Christmas. 

She sent a text message on Christmas Eve.

She never mentioned any health issues.

Hopefully, if such things really happen, she is back together with her Rey now.

I'm going to miss Tilly very much.

Edited several hours later at add:

I just crossed paths this afternoon with Tilly's daughter Anjelica at the grocery store.

She said that her mom's passing was a shock to all of them as well. 

I could see her near tears as she talked.  

Francis K.

Heard yesterday that an old classmate had passed away.

Someone I never heard much about after 8th grade.

Someone who had been the target of bullying during those years.

I never took part in the bullying, but I never stepped up in his defense either.

A choice that I have long regretted.

I've thought about him occasionally over the years, wondering if he had friends, wondering how his life turned out.

Wishing I could tell him that I was sorry.

Hoping that he found happiness.

I hope in his passing he was content with his life and felt no fear before and in the moment.

Wishing that maybe he had experienced a last laugh of sorts over all of us by becoming a billionaire and living a richly rewarding life full of great companionship, excitement, enjoyment and comfort.

But unlike almost every other classmate, there was never any slightest word about him.

And all I learned yesterday was his birth date, .... which kind of rang a bell like I actually knew it at one time .... and the date of passing.

My fortune cookie tonight seems directly related: "Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the conquest of it.'

Courage to do the right thing when needed instead of walking away.

Christmas Eve Notes

Christmas Eve notes .....

• Saw an old school Catholic nun wearing coif and veil sitting in a car in an empty section of a parking lot and appearing to be texting on a cell phone (though I suppose it's possible that she was praying) .... and being an ex-altar boy and all, I thought it was ha-ha funny. 
• For the past year or two, I've been bouncing between five or six books, reading one book semi-consistently and two or three pages per sitting of one of the others every five or six days. Usually in the moments before I close my eyes for the day. Is this any way to have a true reading experience?
• Been a weird few days weather-wise, with high winds, trees falling over, power outages, followed by heavy rain, flooding, then rumors and day before forecasts and warnings of another windstorm and even more power outages, which never happened and, in its place, the appearance of the afternoon sun (in officially western Oregon winter in December?) which might have been the weirdest and wildest thing of all.
• 2026 is almost here and I barely noticed autumn passing by ..... because it didn't 'feel' like what my memory tells me that autumn is. 

This Old House

I drove by the house today where I spent so many Christmas Eves all those years ago. So many memories good and not so good.

I had flashbacks to the Christmas Eve when my father while experiencing chest pains and shortness of breath and wanting to get some fresh air, asked me to take him for a drive which after two or three refusals eventually resulted in his silent agreement to let me take him to the ER and the confirmation of a heart attack. It was the following summer when he passed away.

Each of those occasions in that house, which by my count was twenty-two Christmas Eves, were full of family and food and with an exception or two, much laughter. So much has changed since then with the house being sold, siblings celebrating in new ways, and the passing of a sibling and my mother. I drove by today thinking that I should be allowed to stop and walk in without even knocking on the door. (Would the current residents understand?) 

And it's all passed by so fast. It's now like I closed and opened my eyes and everything is different. And I mostly try to avoid all celebratory observances and look forward to being on the other side of it but yet I miss the excitement of those old days.

The Difference

It's truly amazing the difference that twenty-four hours can bring.

Yesterday .... with the arrival of the much-ballyhooed atmospheric river number three passing through, dark sky, it felt and looked like nighttime at 3pm, rain falling steadily with no breaks or let up in the previous twelve hours, combined with self-imposed anxiety felt for two days (or more) over a doctor visit I was enroute to .....

The day before that .... a wild windstorm blowing through and widespread power outages.

Today .... beautiful day, the sun's out, people walking in the park, doctor doesn't want to see me again for a year.

Suddenly, while the sun was still shining, a few raindrops materialized, felt the collective disappointment in the air and ceased immediately. 

Always watching the sky. It felt like they rose from obscurity.

Preview of Heaven

Is this a little preview of heaven?

When shopping for socks, I usually buy the ones that say for size six to twelve and a half ..... or whatever the range is that ends in twelve and a half.

Because that's all they ever have.

I wear size 13 shoe.

Today I found socks for 'size 12-16' ..... and my feet are suddenly loving me.   

I may have to go back and purchase all they have. 

For once I was prepared. I saw what was up ahead in the grass. A potential photo op!!!

Starlings caught as they rose from the field. (Edited with a black and white filter employed.) I only wish that the timing could have been minus the passing truck trailer in the background. The photo is still a keeper.

Last week, I saw that a local art gallery was holding a showing of local young artists, with all works priced at $100. I spotted two or three paintings in the posted photos that sparked my interest. I figured it was a one-day sale. I walked in this afternoon, and the sale was ongoing. I purchased this one titled, 'The Moon.' The gallery attendant was like: "Ahhhh. I find that one both disturbing and pleasing." I have to say that I agree. I had just spent 5-10 minutes looking at it and turning away. So why my attention was initially drawn .... and kept returning to it, I'm not sure. I fear that it's the 'disturbing' aspect.

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Awake at 1:30am ......

For the second consecutive evening I've had a dream that I did something at work that didn't live up to expectations and pissed off another person.

The first, an old supervisor that I haven't seen for 10-15 years, because in the dream I didn't respond to his request as quickly as had been wished for.

The second, a current co-worker/mechanic because I broke a piece of equipment and he wasn't buying my explanation why it happened.

And even though these are just dreams, the feelings of letting someone down, linger with me for a good while after I awake.

So, to assist in calming down, I go and look at my vinyl record collection.

You would be amazed at how viewing the spines of records, shelved orderly, with the artist's name, the album title and the record label catalog number brings this peaceful effect (or 'Peaceful Easy Feeling') over my mind.

It always seems to help. 

One of those Murphy's Law things that always seems to apply to my life ....

If I grab a t-shirt and just slip it on without looking, the chances are that 97% of the time, it will be slipped on backwards. 😄 That's the case whether I go with initial instincts or reverse instincts.