Ex-W-Word Dream

Hadn't had one for a while. Maybe since we got together a few years ago for the first time since we split long ago ..... and talked. But a dream about the ex wife.

I was visiting her at her place of employment and somehow ended up with a pair of scissors snipping off renegade strands of her hair. A passing stranger remarked: "Better be careful, she might want to marry you."

And I replied: "She did once." 

I looked to see if I could detect disapproval or anger in her expression. That's where I woke up. 

In the dream, we were both still young, not in our sixties like today.

It's kinda funny but my dreams, or at least the parts I wake up remembering, seem to be just a few seconds in length. More like a short film with a random moment popping out of the smoke and haze than a two hour movie with a actual plot. 😀

Loyalty

Loyalty?

What's being loyal when it comes to work? Define that vague concept ......

If it's showing up almost every damn freaking day that I've been asked to for the past twenty-five years (minus vacation days) ..... well then, I am the epitome of loyal. 

I can't claim that I was quite as loyal for the ten or twenty years prior but then I was working a second job and now and then a needed moment of sanity was required ..... and oh, earlier on there was the married years, which didn't last all that long but occasionally I'd stay home just because. And before that, I was just young and stupid. 

And while it's true that I may have been grouchy and difficult to deal with for the first thirty minutes of many days and reluctant to say yes to much during those moments of adjustment, or even vocalize at all, hey, at least I was there!!

The R-Word

Now that was a nice feeling .....

Waking up at 3:30am (that's not the nice part), moaning to myself that I have to get up for work in a couple hours and then the sudden realization as the sleep haze lessened that: "No I don't. I have the next three days off." 

Almost as nice as the news the other evening that the first pension payment had been deposited into my savings account. 

Yes, I suppose I am officially retired!! Imagine that. For so long, I have avoided uttering that word. I now have physical documents saying: "Congratulations on your retirement." Though I am planning to keep working for ..... Well I don't know how long ..... Ten more years? Three more years? Next Tuesday? But it's freeing to know that I could reach any given moment in any given day and just decide to go home for the day ...... and never return!!

That's how I want to go out. I don't want to give notice ahead of time. I don't want a countdown of weeks and days. I don't want a bunch of sad goodbyes. I don't want to walk away knowing that it's the final time.

I just want to decide at some random glorious point that I'm not returning. 

And today, I kinda want to gift myself a retirement present. I've been thinking about new headphones.

Are there any stereo shops remaining in this town?

Ponderings

 Things I ponder .....

• Do my plants know when I am near? Are they screaming at me to water them? Do they have a conscious?
• It dawns on me as I listen to music from the 1960's and early 70's that I'm approaching antique status.
• Is my metabolism changing? Not finishing portions (sizes) of meals that used to be the norm is becoming a real thing.

Vinyl Records and Such

Perhaps you'll think this is wildly abnormal ...... 

I own somewhere between 2200-2400 vinyl records. And an even greater number of compact discs. Yet don't consider myself a collector. I am not out there going to record shows, searching for the holy grails of vinyl. 

It (my obsession) started as soon as I hit my teenage years, first stoked by an older mentor who likely has no idea today what passion he sparked and has endured into my senior citizen years. I see or sense little, suggesting that will ever change.

I do have an seemingly insatiable yearning for sounds.

Original or foreign pressings, while maybe nice to have, mean very little to me. I'm mostly looking for music and sounds that I enjoy .... or are interesting to me at some level. 

What's "popular" also has little significance for me.

Cover art and cover photos are important to me. I've turned down things before where it appears that not much creative thought went into the cover. 

I am infinitely interested in what other people are listening to and what they find fascinating. I am constantly looking for things previously unknown and find the choices of other people to be the greatest source towards new discoveries. 

I do think that I could qualify as a music snob. I have widely varying interests but there are still sounds or genres that I choose not to give attention to. I have many recordings that while I would love to play for someone else and would be mildly perturbed at a reaction of indifference, I'll acknowledge that many of my choices are not for everyone.

Occasionally I ponder how much money I would have saved had I never purchased a record or cd ..... but that mood never lasts more than three or four heartbeats.

There could be record shows and estate sales with huge collections going on around the corner and I'd know nothing about them. But each time I walk into a record store, I am filled with the excitement and hopes of discovering something new or (new) old therein. 

I've survived two purges now and can't see another ever happening.

In the past three or four years, I've discovered the vinyl community on YouTube and Instagram and love seeing what others have found. If it's true that coveting what others have is a sin, then I am a sinner. 😃

Balancing Out

Kind of a comical thing took place in my life yesterday.

I was sitting at the end of a bench in the break room at work. I'd been there a few moments so was feeling pretty safe and secure when suddenly the opposite end of the bench began to rise and it became the ultimate struggle to regain balance and not fall over. 

I'm sure that the people seated a few feet away were looking on, wondering what I was drinking for break.

As I helplessly flailed away, trying to regain balance .... and dignity .... hoping and praying that no one had noticed but knowing that everyone had. it occurred to me that I was in this endless loop that wouldn't end and rectify current events until either, A) I ended up, upside down on the floor with the bench resting on top or, B) Someone came along, preferably heavier than myself, and sat their ass down on the other end of the bench.

I eventually stabilized and survived but with the world being as it is nowadays, I'm sure there's a viral video out there on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Tik Tok. Look for it.  

Say What?

So I'm at the grocery store and take my three items to the cashier to check out and out-of-the-blue he says: So what do you think about AI taking over?"  And the second thought, (after "Say what?') running through my head is,  "Ummmm, Allen Iverson retired from basketball years ago, so he won't be taking over this Boston - Philly series." But I finally got hip to which AI he was referring to and mentioned that I was too old to care about artificial intelligence taking over (Yeah I'm real hip there) ..... I mean, shit! He caught me off guard and it was all I could think of in that moment. 

I refuse to apologize for being both old and a lover of hoop, and AI to me is Allen Iverson.

I don't really want to discuss the status of the alternate AI world, while paying for my groceries. Maybe he was concerned that my debit card was going to take over my cars performance on my way home and if so, I thank him for his concern.