This is very difficult for me to write about and accurately express what I'm trying to say.
Thinking back over the years. Recalling events in my life that shaped what I would become in my later years. I have to think that there was some major influences back then on my personality now. On the reason why I tend to pull away from people now. On why I've given up on seeking companionship. Why I don't want to risk a stable and quiet life that I've seemingly settled into for possible emotional chaos.
Sometimes I want to explain to people who don't understand me and who don't seem to want to accept me as I am ..... but so many are narrow minded. Or they lack the ability to understand. Instead I often choose to just move by them. I avoid attempts at justifying my ways. Hell I don't really know why I tend to be grouchy in the morning. Or why I don't express much emotion. I wasn't always that way. But it's what I've evolved into. And there's been hundreds of little events over sixty years that have contributed to the process.
Do I like the end result? Not always. Not even often. But that's what it is. I don't believe one can change the factors and results.
What is starting to bother me just a bit is how my life history has influenced my dream world. I think there's too much conflict in my dream world. Conflict with friends and family. Conflict that often goes well beyond the reality. It becomes tiring awakening from those dreams.
No comments:
Post a Comment