Saying Hello

It's funny how you can be walking around downtown and maybe an occasional person will smile and utter a "Hello" but if you're walking in the park, half of the people walking by (conservative estimate) will offer a greeting.

In the park however, you also get the moments where you are zooming in at 130-X's, on a bird perched on the uppermost branch at the top of a tall tree ..... and people walking dogs will approach from both directions on a path and just as you enter that deep concentration mode where you are trying to hold your camera perfectly still (because you left your tripod at home in the garage) and keep the image in the viewfinder from shaking violently, the two dogs, now just a few feet apart, suddenly engage in wild, just let me loose from this leash and I'll show you who's who, type of barking .... and well there goes your concentration and beautiful image.

I Am Doug!!

I just can't believe it!! Once again I randomly cross paths with .... The guy who thinks that my name is Doug!!! I'm not sure where it is that he thinks he knows me from. My working theory is a class in college. But that's mostly a wild guess. Wherever it was, I doubt that we ever spoke more than a word or two at each other, if that.

If I may be allowed to engage in a little stereotyping and profiling .... This guy looks a whole lot more like a Doug than I do.

So why does he seem to have a thing for me? If I thought that I could attract and keep for an extended amount of time, such attention, I'd worry that he was a possible stalker. He shows up in my world far more than any other single stranger. Once he makes eye contact it appears that he has no intention of ever saying "see ya" and breaking off the encounter. That's why all this is bothersome to me. I'm pretty sure that I don't come off as the most overly friendly, approachable and welcoming type of person towards strangers. I don't know why he can't seem to recognize this in my reactions and just smile and keep walking. I'd be perfectly fine with just a smile.

No Surprise Here

Drove up to a local used bookstore. There was only one other car in the general vicinity of the parking lot ..... "Wow it's really looking slow tonight," I thought. From my car I could see what looked like empty magazine racks. "Wonder where they moved them to?" A closer look revealed an empty store. A quick glance at the neon sign .... No bright neon, it was dark. I walked up to the entrance to read the out-of-business notice. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Actually I'm surprised that it didn't happen sooner. From the day they opened three years ago, the place has had zero soul, no atmosphere. A poor selection of books. It was cold (not farenheit-wise) and felt empty. It didn't invite one to come in, look around and stay awhile. It seemed obvious (and I'm certainly no business major) ..... No seating. An unattractive shelving style and use of floor space. No music being played throughout the store. Only a tiny boombox at the checkout counter, no doubt to aide in keeping the attendant from falling asleep. A "used" bookstore with very few used books. No extensive sections or genres. (unless you were into comic books.) No cool nooks and crannies with eclectic but interesting book titles. Nothing beyond the mainstream. There was always more employees milling about than customers. It was kinda like being in walmart (minus the trashy feel) except that there were never long (or even two person) lines at the cash register.

I would venture a guess that most visitors to a bookstore, while they may have a title or two in mind that they are looking for, also want to explore and see what else they might come across. The atmosphere needs to be conducive to cause a person to feel that they'd like to stay awhile.

For the first year or so after opening, I kept thinking that they would make improvements to the look and feel. Certainly I thought, whoever was in charge had to see what I was seeing. And even moreso, what I was feeling. But it never happened. Why bother going into business if you're not willing to spend the money to make a place like that, a destination for people? It was so bad that once in the door, I almost felt obligated to buy something just to help them out. I actually felt badly on a few occasions as I slinked out with no purchase in hand. I would often try to make my exit when there were no employees close to the door in order to avoid having to make eye contact. I genuinely felt badly for them.

So again, I'm semi-mourning the loss of another bookstore. Except I'm not really all that sad because I've always expected it to happen since only a few months into their existence. Their existence being three years according to the posted notice. Now that was truly surprising. I would have thought much less.

The Three!!

Funny about the evolution of the three point shot in basketball and how the game has changed in that time. When it first came in, it was rarely taken. Facing the basket, feet set, wide open. Any maybe only two or three players would dare attempt it. Now it's the main attacking weapon of most teams. It doesn't matter if the shooter has a hand in his face, is rising up from a crossover dribble and step back or is receiving the ball off of a full court sprint. And even the seven footers will toe up to the line and take it.

They used to say that shooting 33% on threes was the equal to shooting 50% on twos. You don't hear that these days, maybe because stat geeks are still trying to compile data on how the missed threes affects transition defense.

As much as I've always liked the concept, there are times I wish that limits were placed on it. Like maybe no more than five attempts per quarter .... or seven attempts per half for college games. When the shot is thrown up five on or six consecutive possessions it sometimes seems like the game has become a circus act. As a side effect, it almost seems as if traditional center play has become extinct. Who needs a old school low post center / paint protector, when everyone is shooting long and longer range threes?

I miss those epic center battles. Wilt Chamberlain vs. Bill Russell. Wilt vs Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Kareem vs Bill Walton. Bob Lanier vs Artis Gilmore. David Robinson vs Hakeem Olajuwon. I miss all the hype of years past when the next center of-the-decade was coming up through the ranks. From high school to college to the pros. They don't grow those type of seven footers anymore.

Now it's the wing guys / small forwards who get all the hype from the time they are in the third grade it seems.

Those Dreams Again

Another disturbing dream last night. A continuing theme over the past year or two. I have no idea where they come from and no doubt that I want them to stop. I wake up upset. Then the feeling from the dream lingers for awhile. I wonder if it's karma getting back at me for some act(s) in my past.

The dreams generally involve family or longtime friends treating me as an outcast. Often in the form of being shunned or the "silent treatment." I wake up feeling confused and hurt before realizing that it's only a dream. The feeling though, takes awhile to fade away. Like a slow lifting fog. And while it lingers it's a lonely and cold place. Realizing that it's just a dream rarely helps to speed up the process. Realizing that I'm almost 60 years old and far beyond this teenage themed stuff doesn't seem to matter. I end up thinking of times in the past where I was less than an ideal human being and wonder if this is payback?

I suppose as long as the dreams don't become more frequent and more intense, I shouldn't be too concerned. But being me, I have a tendancy to over-analyze things.

Another Passing

Another one gone!! Geez!! Glenn Frey passed away today. Only 67. This one hits a little deeper. The first three Eagles albums were regular listening while growing up in the early 1970's. I still have the original records. The lyrics burned to memory and still remembered today. I used to play these records for people. Hard to believe that was over forty years ago. Fast forward to the present and we seem to be suddenly losing these voices daily that we grew up with. Forty years ago, we never stopped to ponder that one day these voices might pass away and how it would affect us. Close your eyes while the music plays and you can see the memories flashing by. Old friends and memories. So much is connected to the music that you were listening to. So much comes and goes in a lifetime but you never lose the memories and songs.

Calling Missed?

I've had a few people who after looking at some of the photos that I've taken, tell me that I missed my calling. I like the words and the compliment ..... until I really start thinking about it. The idea or reality of actually missing your calling is truly sad.

I never considered that I had an interest in photography until about ten years ago. I purchased my first digital camera and slowly discovered that I enjoyed searching for images. That led to more and more consideration of just what I was looking for in an image. I think that I keep attempting to refine and redefine that thought. Along the way it has become a passion. For me, that's all that really matters ..... Finding something that I enjoy.

I try to keep my eyes open. I constantly see things in other peoples photos and artwork that amaze me. Ideas I likely would have never considered had I not seen it elsewhere.

R.I.P. David Bowie

Another legend lost from my youth. David Bowie passed away yesterday at age 69. Seems too young these days in the eyes of a person approaching 60.

Certainly not intending to be dis-respectful or critical, but I was never much of a fan of his music. What I heard, never drew me in looking for more. I never came across that radio station playing his music or a friend playing an album where I had that moment where you just have to hear more. I must have missed out on something. It appears that all my music loving friends have posted words of extreme sorrow at his passing or tributes to him.

The only songs that ever remained with me for a number of years were "Let's Dance" from 1983 with it's quirky melody. It was the music video on MTV that initially grabbed my attention. Different from all other videos from that time. There was also the collaboration with Queen on "Under Pressure" but that was more of a late discovery. The only other song that I'm somewhat familiar with is his duet with Bing Crosby on "The Little Drummer Boy." 

I tried listening to a little of his music tonight but heard nothing to change my mind. I can't deny though that his passing has affected a great number of people. People who loved his art and creativity and who are feeling a loss.

Advice For The Glass Is 7/8th's Empty, Co-worker

Things change, get over it!! The people in charge identifies a problem and sometimes has new ideas for doing things. That's part of their job. Why not try it? Especially when there's been plenty of issues with the old ways. Give it some thought. Give it a chance. Talk to the boss about your concerns. Don't automatically assume and proclaim to anyone who'll listen that it won't work. Don't try to convince weak minded others of the same. Give it a try and maybe you'll be surprised. Maybe with an honest effort and a little fine tuning (if needed), the end result will be a simplification of things for everyone involved?

As long as it doesn't affect your personal life away from work, why are you so opposed? You're not being asked to do the impossible. You still get a lunch break. You still get to go home at the end of the day, right?

Two Minutes of Fear

It's sad and frightening watching paranoia running amok. Even if it's just for a moment or two. What do you say to a person who's convinced that others are out to taunt him? It's unlikely that any words will change the thought process. The person has already spent too many hours arriving at this point of suspicion. Too many hours spent processing in lonely thoughts, what is viewed and interpreted as intentional slights and attacks. What if the next time he doesn't snap out of it by your changing of the subject? How do you respond to that when you're the person that the paranoia is revealed to?

Old People

You'd think that just maybe and even quite possibly, a moderately advanced middle aged, soon to be senior citizen would retain one or two life lessons learned along the way. But Nooooooooo!!! Said dummy takes it easy and lets prior minor injury heal up to the point that he is feeling good about life and semi-young again, then once again forgets how old he actually is, makes a sudden movement and it results in a completely new ache and pain. Seems to be a pattern with this person of questionable judgement and fading decision making skills. But at least it's been proven that he can still shoot the jump shot.

Taking Sides

Conservatives and Liberals and all others on the various rims and edges. It bothers me how quickly sides are taken up in reaction to anything taking place that is deemed as remotely newsworthy. The same people always on opposing sides. Before the entire story can be fleshed out. Never any crossovers among the sides. Never any agreement between individuals of opposing sides. The news breaks and all over the internet and (supposed) television news channels, you see the sides immediately form. No pausing to think it through. No investigation is seemingly involved. Details are taken out of context in ways to attempt to cause the other guys to look silly. Everything is black and white to the respective sides. No chance that any of them might admit that they could be wrong. Each side acts as if having an opposing view is a sin against justice and all that is good and label those people as "haters." Its as if they agreed long beforehand on the sides for any given issue.

Snow!!

Looked out the window this morning ....... SNOW!!! Just an inch or two but real genuine snow! It's funny how 29 degrees doesn't feel near as cold outside when there's snow on the ground. You never know around here, it may be our only snowfall of the winter and it will probably be gone tomorrow as it often falls as we are transitioning from sub freezing and clear to warmer and rain. But for one day, it's a welcome sight. "One and done" as they say in college basketball. Next up .... Freezing rain!!

One of my favorite movie genres, Bad Science Fiction B-movies from the 1950's and 60's involving monsters, inner earth or space travel and aliens. Watched a good one last night ..... "12 To The Moon." Not three or four but twelve. All from different countries. Maybe a response to the U.S. and Russia race in the 1960's to be first in space, first on the moon, etc.. I could easily binge watch a dozen such flicks.

Lessons

For me about beginning to accept that I'm getting older. You can't keep fighting facts forever. I'd just like for it to be a graceful process. Not that you still can't do a little kicking and acreaming while getting there.

Also lessons learned in practicing patience. Found myself thinking that earlier in the year. Mostly with situations that arise at work. Though I still have my moments where I'm lacking. I have taken steps forward.

No Title

Two or three bothersome dreams (bothersome seems to be a pattern of late) over the last two nights involving being young again and knowing that your world to that point, is suddenly changing. I wake up, look around, realize where I am and breathe a sigh of relief. Then close my eyes and slip back into the dream.

The sigh of relief process seems to take about ten seconds but feels much longer. There's this lingering feeling of lonliness that hangs somewhere in the concious haze. Not a dominant feeling but enough that I know it's back there, present somewhere in a remote corner of my mind causing a slight chill from the dreams to remain.

Scary and Unapproachable

The lady behind the counter at the used bookstore told me that she has noticed that I buy a lot of poetry (she's correct) and asked if there was any authors that I'd like to see them have in stock. She caught me unprepared and speechless. I've never been asked that question. No one came to mind on short notice. I told her that a couple of my favorites are Wendell Berry and William Stafford but that I have their works. Now that I've mulled it over though, I have a few names ..... she told me to let her know if I came up with anyone.

It's nice to be recognized and to have your personal preferences be noted by someone. I'd like to see more of that type of customer service. There used to be a record store in town where the owners would see me drive up and put something on the store stereo system that they thought I might like. More often that not, I went home with their suggestions. 

It must have been one of those days where I didn't look so scary and unapproachable. (I had just shaved my face a couple hours earlier afterall) A few minutes after exiting the bookstore, as I was walking to my car, a lady stopped me and asked if I could give her directions to the Grand Hotel. After initially totally confusing her, (I could see the confusion and being lost in the big city expression in her face), I think I ended with getting her pointed in the right direction with easy to follow directions. Hopefully she didn't have to stop the next person that strolled by for further clarification.

Normal Freaking Standard Time

These four day holiday weekends sure can mess a person up. I've been thinking for the past twenty-four hours that Saturday is coming up next and making Saturday plans when in fact it's actually going to be Friday!! Also found myself  on Wednesday evening after work, thinking that it was Friday evening. Maybe subconciously, I just want to skip Friday for some reason.

Maybe now that it's 2016 we can just get back to NST ..... Normal Standard Time. Though it will probably take waking up to an alarm clock on Monday morning to get the full effect and adjustment. It's just funny how it all works. How I can keep making the miscalculation of what day it is over the entire four day period. At work I was threatening earlier to anyone who would listen, which turns out is mostly the rocks and dirt, that I might take a week of vacation time during the first week in January ..... just to get back at those who were on vacation for most of December making me feel like I had to be there. Maybe I truly need it?

I am now in that state of confusion that I find myself in each first workday in January. Armed with all my alloted yearly vacation time plus a week carried over from 2015 and unable to decide when to use it. I like knowing that I have five weeks to use almost anytime I want but I struggle with using one day and then knowing that I'll only have four weeks and four days remaining. It's kind of like watching the sands of a hourglass. There must be a name for that disorder?