Psycho Birds

So I'm in Best Buy at the checkout paying for a Blu-ray version of "The Birds" and the cashier mentions that she just purchased it and "Psycho" recently and couldn't wait to get home to watch it. So I ask if she's ever seen it before and she says "no" and I just about screamed: How could you have never seen The Birds??? But before I do, I realize that she's a teenager and in this century where they just don't make movies like they used to, how could I possibly have expected that she had seen it and I want to scold her parents for never insisting that she sit down and watch it because surely they've seen it (I hope), but instead I should encourage her to run straight home and put it on her TV or computer or cell phone or whatever kids watch movies on these days. Before departing I mention that I've seen it several times in my lifetime which gets me a strange glance in reply. Like why on earth would someone watch a movie more than once?

So it's eight hours later now as I type this and hopefully she's followed through with her stated intent and she's just as frightened as I was the first time. It's the freaking The Birds after all. A classic, must see movie.

Notes, Thoughts and Musings on Approaching 60

It's still a few months away but for tonight at least, I don't care any longer. 59 or 60, it doesn't matter. In fact I'm kinda looking forward to jumping up and down and shouting: "Everyone look at me. I made it to 60!!" Is it possible that 60 is the magic number where you suddenly cease to fear admitting your age? Primarily to yourself? Though I joke a lot about being old and though I've slowed down in dozens of ways, (maybe I should make a list), I still think of myself as young.

I'm not rich or famous and probably never will be. I'm not happily married with children or grandchildren (though I'd argue that I am mostly happy) but hey, I'm almost 60!! That's certainly something to feel a sense of accomplishment towards. A larger number than 10, 20, 30, 40 and 50 all added together. Maybe the only place where that is true.

Funny .... I was at work the other day and I looked at six stacks of boxes, each three-high and my brain just went: "Ummmmmmm 30 total." It took the strange looks and queries of a much younger person before I realized my mistake. Later I chalked up the bad math to getting old. I mean what else could it be. I've had my multiplication tables pretty much down since I was a young teen. Through the twelves anyway.

Tonight I looked in the mirror and for the first time saw more gray than brown. And I was Ok with it. Though it's too early to deny the rumor that I'll be mirror shopping tomorrow.

I hear people my age talking about their various surgeries and hip and knee replacements and I've yet to experience any of the above. Avoidance of such is my number one hope and goal moving forward.

Sense of Strange

A strange sense at work yesterday of something coming to an end even though there's still plenty of time left in our "season." Not sure what it was. Likely just my imagination running amok. After fourty-one years there, having a big slow-down the last couple of days and an actual two day weekend (for everyone) in September is a rarity. Along with rotating shifts this weekend .... That all probably had something to do with the feeling. It always feels strange to work with  a group of people for a month then suddenly changing shifts and working with a crew that you havn't seen for two months.

Shift rotations are always a bittersweet experience. You'll actually miss the daily interactions with most people. Then there's usually one or two others who you've been looking forward to getting away from. The feeling is probably mutual in those cases and good for all involved.

I used to prefer this night shift stuff. That was when I was much younger and living several lives. Now I've come to enjoy sleeping at night. I'm no longer concerned with making the weekend softball tournament. What I used to enjoy so much, now seems like so much foolishness.

Free Speech

This does seem to be the case these days. I occasionally say stuff at work for public consumption where I think to myself: "Ooooppps I probably shouldn't have said that ..... Oh well, too late to take it back." Usually it's in an attempt at being funny or of an argumentative nature towards an idea that I don't care for. Sometimes I think that we are much more rebellious in our older years than we ever were in our teenage years. Maybe because the possible consequences are something we often scoff at.

Usually after such an episode, one is careful for a day or two to avoid a repeat performance ...... until defenses drop and the next moment of free speech just flows out.

The Yankees Win!! ..... Baseball Is Such a Strange Game

Such a strange game for sure. Yankees look like they can't hit for the first five innings. Pure frustration and angst for a longtime Yankee fan. Down 1-0. Mets change pitchers in the sixth inning because they're worried about accumulated innings on a Cy Young type arm (Matt Harvey), coming back this season from elbow surgery. YANKEES EXPLODE!! A big 2-run double (Beltran) and a couple 3-run homers. (Ackley and Bird) To be fair, there were a few defensive screwups in the sixth inning that didn't help the Mets bullpen. Final score, 11-2.

So many games start out in one teams favor and even appear to be well under control by that team. Then suddenly things turn around late in the game. It's so important when things don't seem to be going your way, to limit the bad and just stay close. One could probably apply that general principle to many things in life.

All Those Miles Between Us

Due to the miles between us, I have all these cousins that I've seen once or twice (if that) in my life. Living in South Dakota, Minnesota, Illinois and Michigan. Maybe a few other scattered locations. I wouldn't recognize them if they walked through my front door today. Some day I'd like the chance to travel from town to town and spend a day or two with each, just introducing myself and getting to know a little about each.

When you think about it, they are not really all that far from being a brother or sister.

Friday Notes

• Funny how when you get two days off on the weekend during the time of year where you are lucky to get a one-day weekend (if that) and you suddenly feel clueless as to what to do with all the free time. It's like you need time to re-adjust to regular weekends.
• Friday evening and I can hear the drums, marching band and cheers of the crowd from the local high school (my old high school) football game. Instant flashback to being 18 years old. And it continues to boggle my mind to think how long it's been. 
• Guess it's a matter of perception ...... Pete tells me that time is passing way too slowly for him. He's looking forward to retirement and not having to go to work each morning. I on the other hand, think that time is passing by much too fast. I'm worried about old age roaring up from behind me.
• "When he only has a 50/50 shot, the odds are 80/20 in his favor" ...... "If he were to mis-pronounce your name, you'd feel compelled to change it." .... The most interesting man in the world!! I love those commercials.
• It would probably be a good idea that before one gets a 'smart phone,' one should be at least 50% as smart as the phone. Not the situation in my world.
• The biggest hassle with wearing glasses is on those days where the yawn is a frequent bodily function and you're constantly removing your glasses to wipe your watery eyes.

Win Some, Lose Some

Yesterday ..... Not a good day for sports viewing. Ducks and Beavers both lose to the state of Michigan in football. Yankees get pounded and lose twice. And I raced home from work to view all this? Good thing I suppose that we've yet to reach that point of the year where baseball, football and basketball schedules have all kicked in. Good thing also that I feel no allegiance to my old high school because they also fell.

Good thing #3 ..... My recent trend of being unable to stay awake through the greater parts of televised games and events. It's less painful to wake up and see that the Bluejays have scored three more runs than to actually witness it taking place.

The News Today

Informed at work this morning by a lady who knew her, that my ex-mother-in-law passed away a few days ago. A strange feeling. I never really knew her that well. It wasn't like we had a lot of years in each others world. I only vaguely remember what she looked like.

I recall my ex-wife once telling me that her mother was a descendent of Belle Starr.

When you get married, it's assumed that it will last forever and that you'll have the time to build relationships with all your in-laws. Things didn't work out that way for me though. And though it doesn't always feel this way, tonight it all feels like ancient history. It should have had a different story and ending .... but it didn't. It took a few years but I eventually came around to realize and acknowledge that I screwed much of that up. You always hear people claiming that they regret nothing that's taken place in their life. For myself, the way the marriage played out is a huge regret.

I don't feel any emotion about her passing worth mentioning but she has been in my thoughts for much of the day. And I can't help but wonder what Connie is feeling. When my mom passed away, I recall this cold feeling of suddenly being alone in the world wash over me. Realizing that the people who raised you before you were able to survive on your own, are both gone. I don't think it matters how independent you are, there's always that connection with parents that when ended, you can't easily move on from.

9/11

9/11 ..... Remembering where I was fourteen years ago when I first heard the news. The conference room at work for our pre-work supervisor meeting. I hadn't turned on the television that morning while getting ready for work. And I didn't have a radio in the car that I was driving at the time. The news was a shock. The work hours spent in a walking around daze, just wanting to get home and see what was happening in New York, Washington DC and Pennsylvania. And what was happening in my world. I doubt that eight hours ever passed by as slowly as on that day. All we had was some basic preliminary information. No idea how big or wide spread the attack was.

Looking back, I wonder why they couldn't have put work on hold for at least a few hours so we could go home and see what was going on. Or provide us with some type of updates. Could we also be targets, 3000 miles away on the opposite coast? We didn't know but I'm sure the thought was on many minds.

A photo that I took four years ago on the local 9/11 rememberance at Riverfront Park in Salem. The park was full of these flags that listed the names of all the people lost in the attacks.

The Not So Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Just when you begin to get all arrogant and cocky thinking that you're done for the year, the warm, the hot and the muggy make their unwelcome return like they think it's still their time. And I was so enjoying the days without their presence around these parts. It's not like I've been pining day and night for your return. Not even feeling remotely remorse at your previous departure. I offered no prayers for your re-entry into 2015. So take a friendly hint, (though bodering on unfriendly) and go far away!!

More Words

               "Your eyes make me humble. I fall down at your feet"

Funny how certain lines from a song stick with you. Every other word may be a blur but you remember that one line. It's your connection to the song and how it relates to your world. It has ultimate meaning for you. It may be something from your past or something that you wish that you had taken the chance to express. From the Ellis Paul song, Conversation With a Ghost:

Some people come along in life and have a powerful effect. You want to know everything about them. The way they go about their life is an example that you struggle to match. You're captured by everything about them.

              "Are all those things you told me once still true?"

I might be afraid of the answer but there's a person or two, if the moment and situation was right, that I'd like to ask that of. Regardless though, the line in the song just stands out for me with each listen. Maybe an attempt to complete something that's been left incomplete. Maybe it's just wondering what path a specific person has taken since you lost contact? Maybe just wanting to experience the moment again? A yearning that needs updating.

             "I'm thinkin' bout eternity, some kind of ecstasy got a hold on me."

Sounds hopeful huh? Maybe it's not all gloom and doom like some would have you believe. Both in the present and in the future. I'll strongly second that emotion. I sure don't enjoy looking forward in fear.

Signs, Signs .... Everywhere a Sign

Sign seen along the street ..... "Want to be Catholic? Lessons start September 10th."

Lessons? Why does one need lessons? Do you have to pass a written quiz as well? I've always thought that it was as easy as being a hedonistic, devil worshipping, binge sinning pagan today and deciding tomorrow that one's had enough of that nonsense, that I'd like to be Catholic now. (Or again.)

I grew up Catholic. Went to Catholic school for grades 1-8 and proudly wore the uniform. (Blue sweater, white button down shirt and salt and pepper cords.) Was an altar boy too. If memory serves I even had a gig as the person who assigned my fellow altar boys to the various mass assignments. I've worked the Wednesday 6:00am masses and the prime time Sunday slots. I've had priests shoot me dirty looks for ringing the bells too late or too long or for jabbing the communion host drip tray into friends throats at communion time. I've been baptized, first communioned, confirmed and confessed at various points in time. I've been called a "catlicker" by the protestant boys. To this day, if I don't capitalize the name of God when using it in writing, I fear that I'm one step closer to fiery hell and eternal damnation and hopefully I won't die in the next moment or two before I've had the chance to feel remorse and ask forgiveness. With the exception of the rare wedding or funeral attended, it's like been close to 35 yerars since I've gone to mass. If I decide that I'd like to go back, which I've thought about on more than one occasion, do I have to attend classes first? Is my former status of "good Catholic boy" still in effect?

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It was one of those rare days when I went into the public library store and the local record store and after an hour or two of searching, came out empty handed. I guess thats not entirely accurate. I did help myself to a free sampler disc spotted near the exit. Some Colorado band trying to get their music out there for exposure sake. Oregon apparently being "out there" in their eyes.

Maybe they should get huge in Colorado first?

Anyway, isn't that a sin ..... or one of the ten commandments? Thou shalt not exit a record store without purchasing music!! Like right between not partaking in murder or adultery? Or possibly I'm just in a short term slump? Because I've always been able to find something.

Friday Notes

• It's so much easier to get through the rough and tough days when you keep the negative emotions (especially anger) in check.
• Two pairs of glasses purchased at the same time, two years ago, same prescription ..... One pair worn exclusively since that day of purchase, lenses scratched and blurred. Amazing the things suddenly revealed upon putting on the second pair for the first time. YIKES!!!
• Sun setting and watching the approach of dark clouds and a late Summer, early Autumn rain storm. Still a few miles away. An awesome visual!
• One personally confirmed life lesson ..... The best thing for ones health is not worrying and fretting over relationships.
• You wonder how some people ever passed their DL test ..... Backing up in a crowded parking lot without looking and at a speed much too fast for the situation. Then seconds later, tailgating in the same parking lot. Hopefully the person riding with him was asking him what the hell he was thinking.

Small Pleasures

An evening walk around downtown. People watching, window shopping, cool Autumn breeze, people on the street, music and voices, evening atmosphere, cars (a lack of congestion) passing by. A vibrant scene without being insanely hectic and in ones face. It all makes for an exciting hour or two for me. But then so would gazing at the sky and stars on a lonely country road. It's just being physically able to be out and about I guess. And feeling what's in the air. Not stuck indoors or bed ridden. And getting away from obligations for a few moments. I'm very thankful for these small pleasures.