Just Across the Pond

Yesterday, I saw a car with Hawaii plates. Then today, another. Did they build a bridge that I'm not aware of?

It must have been 'roid' night at the food trucks tonight. Seemed like every guy there (excluding myself) had tight t-shirts and inflated upper arms. I was concerned that a few might pop. 😄

Had a dream last night that I was being chased by an enraged woman for an offense not known. But she was not about to be deterred or slowed down in her pursuit. I'm starting to think that all these dreams where I awaken and am relieved that it's not really happening, are bad for my heart. 

Boycott

My boycott has worked!!

The local bakery that greatly altered the consistency of a time-honored tradition for quality and savoriness of a certain delectable delight by drastically reducing the slathering and generosity of frosting once dripping from their maple bars .... seemingly as a response tactic to these recent covid-inflationary times, has brought it back to what it used to be. 

At least for one day. 

It appears that they noticed my absence. Or heard the voices of myself and likely many others. (I prefer to think that my boycott was a huge factor.) Those maple bars used to be staples and first choices in countless boxes of a dozen donuts provided by coworkers (and ass-kissers) to workplaces around this 503 area code.

And for at least this one day, I could remember accurately, a better time.

Thanks Bill

Been thinking since yesterday when I read the news, how to start and compose this. 

Bill Walton passed away yesterday. 

As a teenager and into my adult years, I greatly admired how he played basketball. It was an incredible joy to watch. I can't help but wonder about the joy he felt from the actual playing. He sure tried to describe it .... to paint a picture of it, in his tv work.

I had never heard of him when he first appeared on my television screen, in the early 70's. It quickly became obvious that he was going to keep the UCLA dynasty going. It was the rebounding, outlet passes, shot blocking and passes to teammates within the offense that caught my attention. That he made shots occasionally was a bonus. I say "occasionally" because he was all about his teammates first.

I saw him introduce Jackson Browne in concert once. 

I almost (accidently) hit him and Maurice Lucas once with my car as they rode their bicycles down a busy street in my hometown. This was just three or four months after he led the Trail Blazers to their only championship. I maintain that it was his fault but who knows? ...... 😊

I used to emulate his jump shot during countless hours of shooting hoops in the driveway of my home during my teenage years.

I literally teared up once while reading his book and his words about recovering from a crippling back injury and his joy for life.

I was shocked to hear the news yesterday. It wasn't common knowledge that he was ill.

I spent the hours after work today, switching radio channels between a couple local sports talk shows, listening to tributes.

I'm still feeling shocked. 

Thank you Bill, for taking the joy of basketball to a different level through your play and your words.

That Time Again

You can keep your beautiful May weather. I'm celebrating rainfalls return over the last two days!! Better than any over-the-counter meds for allergy control. There's no over-rating (or over-appreciation of) being able to breathe through your nose. 

Celebration

Did one of my least favorite things today ..... Sat at the car dealership while they performed routine maintenance on my car. I prepared myself. I went in expecting the worst. Expected a list of things that needed replacing. They always find something and I suspect they take advantage of me, telling me that this or that part needs replacement when it really doesn't. 

But they surprised me. I got out with a much smaller bill than what I was expecting. And a bonus complimentary car wash during which I continued waiting for bad news. But it all went smoothly. So I feel like celebrating tonight. 

A Passing Comment

A brief conversation with a coworker:

"Wow. You're here everyday."

"I'm here when I'm supposed to be."

I guess that's seen as unusual behavior in the eyes of some people. It became my standard 25-30 years ago. I feel anxiety when considering calling in to take a day off. It began when I was made a supervisor. No matter how well I did, I never felt truly secure in the job. I didn't want to supply a reason to be removed from the position. And I didn't want to be the reason for another person to receive the surprise news that they had to work twelve hours. 

Eventually it just became a matter of personal pride and meeting expectations. And that mattered to me.

My boss tells me that the younger crowd doesn't view work as an important part of life. That they found during covid, that they can get by with a minimal amount of it. My questions are: "Don't they have bills? Don't they feel the rising prices of everything and wonder when it will end? Don't they consider that tomorrow or next month might have financial needs?"

I used to live on that financial edge of just getting by in the moment. I didn't like it. And I wanted to be viewed as dependable. Still do. 

Watching and Listening

Looking between the clouds and trees for the moon at midnight and listening for your lasting voice. Is it too late? Has too much time passed? You're out there somewhere in the distance. My last memory is of your tears. I've tried to reconcile that with my failures. I've tried to reach an understanding.  

Two or three days have passed, and a friend has been unable to go into the room that her mother passed away in. I wish I could give hope that will change today. Hopefully she can reach an easy truce with those fears.

I sometimes look in the mirror and see lingering remnants of youth. I close my eyes, reopen and look again and see an old man.

It seems that the one thing you can't avoid or turn off as you get older is accounts of other people's passing. There's no turning away from such news. It just finds you. 

One thing I'm proud of. This guy I work with .... I'll stop short of calling him a friend because I haven't been around him for long and he's already developed a way of annoying me .... but he constantly makes old man sounds whenever he sits down and settles into place. And he can't be much older than thirty. I at 68-plus, can come and go, sit and stand, twist and turn, all without a single old man groan.

Let's Talk

Had a long talk with a beautiful friend the other day ..... I had forgotten what that was like. What a wonderful way it is to spend an evening and to emerge for a few hours from this chosen borderline reclusive lifestyle my world has seemingly become. 

I'm not a natural talker and it usually takes time to get me going but I do love listening to the thoughts, stories and adventures of others. To occasionally connect with another is vital. 

Another Hoop Dream

Another basketball playing dream ..... a dream with the sense that it was the end of something. My last game possibly that just happened to take place (the dream) in my old grade school gym, which was my first gym. And afterwards everyone suddenly departed and I was standing there alone.

A loneliness that I've never felt before.  

And then suddenly, as I stood at the gyms entrance wondering where everyone had gone, an old teammate from my younger days was there and we exchanged a few benign greetings and words before he walked away. We were never particularly close or friendly back then, in real life, nearly fifty years ago. The time spent in each other's world was brief, measured in a period of less than six months and we never really shared or experienced a "connection" so the reason for his sudden cameo appearance in the dream is very unclear.

I don't recall in real life that I had any sense as I walked away, that it was my final time running up and down the court. I always thought there would be another game tomorrow ..... or next week.

And there was the next to last shot .... an incredibly simple one where the ball was bouncing alone near the basket, the defenders all seemingly frozen in place, allowing my swooping in, scooping up the loose ball and then where I jumped early and possibly off the wrong foot and left the attempt awkwardly well short of the hoop .... and a sense that I had been having issues with that exact same motion and shot in previous days. 

..... and in real life that is one thing I never had problems with ..... making my share of attempted shots or the physical coordination involved in taking them. 

But mostly it was the loneliness felt at the end that made the dream unpleasant and a relief to wake-up from. Like feeling alone in the world. 

Afterwards, stayed up until 3:30am, wary of going back to sleep. That loneliness felt in the dream, weighing on me. When I finally crashed, a different, work-related horror dream materialized. I was on a lift truck and had brought a four-high stack of 41-inch totes of frozen veggies out of the freezer. A physical impossibility as a three-high stack will barely fit through the freezer door. And besides, in real life, I wouldn't dare move a four-high more than a few feet. Anyway, dreams rarely explain how or why but there I was, placing the four-high in the spot for it to be staged and consumed ...... but as I set it down, it wavered and fell over. One of my greatest fears in the days when I used to drive lift trucks. 

Again, a great relief to wake up and realize I was safe at home. 

But it wasn't a good night for sleeping.  

Unwelcome Suggestions

I made the mistake of watching one cobra vs. mongoose video and now I'm getting all kinds of video suggestions on youtube of snakes biting people, snakes eating other snakes live, snakes constricting various animals. etc .... and I can't stand the image or appearance of a snake. Despite the pretty patterns of colors, the likeness makes me queasy. As kids, my brothers would handle the garter snakes that could be found in the neighborhood fields. I always refused to get within ten feet much preferring the safety of listening to records or shooting baskets in the driveway.

And I'm so glad to live in a place where you don't come across snakes in your garage or random snakes falling out of trees. 

And you'll never hear of me trying a bite of snake meat. Not for any amount of money or on a super double-dog dare. I'll just concede that test of manliness to you. 

Nature is not always a beautiful thing. Nor is youtube. 

I before E Except After C ....

I was reminded of something today .....

I once won a spelling bee. Or maybe I came in tied for second but decided on my own that I was the better speller because I had tougher words therefore I declared myself the champion.

Of course, it should be mentioned that it was only for my 6th or 7th grade class in Catholic school. 

And it should also be mentioned that it all is ancient, blurred history with plenty of lingering doubts and just maybe it was one of my alternate universe weirdo dreams. 

But I'm pretty sure it really happened. And maybe in lieu of a trophy or prize money my award was an exemption from altar boy duty from weekday 6:00am mass.  

It's the only time in my life that I dared to think, that I was the best. 

WHY?

A day where yesterday's end-of-the-workday rumor that a co-worker had been fired, was confirmed.

And there's so many vague circumstances involved but if true, I suppose it was deserved but I still worry about the person and their feelings in that moment and afterwards. There's a family there that depended on that income and the health insurance, and I hope the person can quickly find a better situation.

I didn't know her well but we had spoken for a few minutes back in January about health issues we were both dealing with and that had been weighing heavily on our spirits. She had opened up to me about personal matters. It was like that notion that you never really know what's going on in another person's life ..... 

In that moment, I had felt a connection.

And I keep asking myself .... or anyone that brings up the situation, WHY? .... Is what that is circulating, true? Why risk what you have by doing things in a manner that can have it all taken away? Were there pressures and expectations from others that contributed? 

It's the third person in a year that I dealt with on a semi-regular basis (they all had attendance issues), that has lost their job through acts that violated company policy. Each time my immediate reaction has been the same .... WHY? All were well past their teenage years. Each person is a parent. One's actions have effects on others. Stop and think about what you are doing. Consider what the result might be. 

Seek and Find

Why is it that after hours and hours of searching in vain that when I finally locate an item that I've decided I need in my life ..... I can never find it a second time? Or even remember beyond a doubt, which store I found it in?

Inane Notes on This and That

•  What are the qualifications for calling yourself "a writer?" If you've been journaling since you were in high school and are now pushing 'aged', does that qualify a person? Does that make it official?
• 5/4/24 .... One of those days when spring looks and feels like winter. All day gray sky and continuous rain. One of those days where you leave your camera at home because there's zero percent chance of wandering into a beautiful sunrise or sunset .... or any beauty in between.
• Record collecting (compact discs included) is an insatiable addiction.
• One of the things I have a lifetime of experience at .... stacking totes ("gaylords") of frozen veggies in a freezer, has transitioned into one of the things I've become anxious about. Isn't it supposed to continue to work in reverse where I become more comfortable?
• In the past year or two, I've developed a true appreciation for a well-done Western film. Movies like 'High Noon' .... or "Red River.' The Original 1948 Red River that is. I think it was a sin to remake it.  
• To this day, I've always loved slowly turning the knob of stereo receiver along the entire length of the AM (preferred) or FM dial, and back again, just to see what I might find. And modern tuners with digital readouts are nowhere near the same enjoyable experience. 
• I'm starting to think that Anthony Edwards is next in line to Michael Jordan and maybe Lebron James (maybe LJ was close to MJ?) and  ..... well Michael Jordan. All he may need for wider acknowledgment is to play his home games in New York, Chicago or Los Angeles. 🏀
• It used to be the thrill of heading to the record store on the appointed day for those long-awaited new releases and spotting them for the first time in the racks. Now it's the expectation of the mailman or the amazon delivery driver and tearing open the package.

No Thanks

$15? $15 to get in and eat tacos? I'd better get two or three free tacos if I have to pay admittance to get into the inaugural taco fest. 

I always think it's a sin to charge people just to get beyond the doors or gates of places where if they want to partake, they are required to pay more money once inside. 

The grocery store doesn't charge an admittance fee!!

Have the vendors add twenty-five cents to the cost of each taco and beer that is sold..... that should cover your cocts.

It reminds me of the flea market that wanted me to pay to get inside. If the goal is to get customers to buy your products, there shouldn't be a fee to get there. You should be happy and thankful that people are interested.

And I'm finding it mildly amusing that it's supposed to be a very wet Saturday for their tacofest. I'm even more certainly not going to pay $15 to stand in the rain eating wet tacos.

People Ask .....

I'm constantly being asked, "When are you going to retire?"

And my reply has consistently been, "I have no idea." 

And that's the truth. There's stability and security in working. Having every moment of every day to myself feels frightening. I have no idea what I would do with all that time. I'm afraid of what might be the result after a year .... hell after a few months.

Maybe I'm wrong? Convince me otherwise.