Changing Priorities

Things sure must be changing in my world. Or maybe it's just the whole covid craziness. Anyway, I didn't know that the Yankees had a game today. A first for me during baseball season. And it was a playoff game!!! And they won, 12-3 ..... and I didn't even know!!! Totally unaware. Imagine that. 

And it's 10:45pm and I just realized that I forgot to take my blood pressure meds!! Or maybe I actually took them earlier and forgot that? Maybe it's just the 274 consecutive days at work? ..... or whatever the hell it's been that's causing all this?

I look for people my age to follow on Twitter. But it appears that there are very few people on Twitter who are my age. 

Dream

A dream last night about intense conflict with my father. Why now? Will I ever make peace with the memories? Hell, It's only been forty years since his passing. I don't need to worry any longer about his hurting my mother. Maybe I better understand now why years later, she would often start crying and apologizing for no apparent reason as we were driving to lunch get togethers. Maybe she recognized the impact it had on me? And maybe these days, I'm realizing the same? 

Not easily forgettable like most dreams. I guess this could be classified as a nightmare. I certainly didn't wake up smiling and feeling warmth. Nearly twenty-four hours later and it's still with me .... lurking and hanging on.

Did It Really Happen?

The wildfires that came so close and the heavy smoke of a week or two ago suddenly seem like a dream .... or several years ago. Yet while it was going on, there was a sense of helplessness and also .....  'When is this going to end.'  I felt isolation. I'd see news and weather coverage from other parts of the country and feel disbelief that they had sunshine and seemingly good air to breathe. And now that it's passed, now that my car is no longer covered with a layer of ash, it doesn't feel like it really happened.

The Need and The Urgency

My view tonight upon emerging from the grocery store. I freed myself of an armful of groceries and fumbled about my car for my camera. These sights tend to last seconds instead of minutes and after the smoke of last week, a  bright color seemed much like a revelation. Like seeing it for the first time and who knows .... with the way life has been this year, possibly the final time. So there certainly was a need and an urgency to document the moment. 

Stunned silence followed along with thoughts of someone far away. Someone beautiful to share the vision with. 

No matter how hard you try and how many photos you take, the camera often fails to capture fully what your eyes are seeing and relaying to your mind. I take more and more pictures hoping for the one perfect shot until the moment fades in brilliance, never really satisfied but in a state of desperate awe the entire time. Who knows when .... or if you'll see it again.

Quite possibly there was a more beautiful and stunning image somewhere else but in that moment, for my eyes, there wasn't. This was the ultimate minute in history for the length of its duration. A time to be thankful not to be at work or indoors. A time to be thankful that you remembered to install the cameras memory card after your previous upload .... or download, or whatever it was. 

Thunderstorm!

The sky is angry and loud tonight with a thunderstorm rolling through the area!! Two different interruptions of television programming with seek immediate shelter warnings for nearby small towns! And it sure sounds as if it's heading this way.. It's certainly not shy about announcing it's presence in the ultimate surround sound stereo!!. Just adding to the varied craziness of 2020. 

And I am wishing that I could see its sky at  this late night hour!!

I don't know which is more intimidating .... a heavy thunderstorm or an earthquake? Both come with feelings of helplessness and a sense of just how small you really are.

Those Were The Days

Heard a professional football player doing a interview about his last game being the first time he's lost two in a row in his life. I couldn't help but think of my slo pitch softball playing days when on more than one occasion our team entered a weekend, double elimination tournament against competition clearly a level above us and we would get our asses kicked in a Friday evening game via the five inning, ten rule rule .... Say maybe 18-2 and then return for a Saturday morning game and again get our asses kicked, oh by maybe a 17-1 score and be eliminated from the tournament before any of us had time to enjoy breakfast, our much anticipated festive weekend of softball, seemingly lasting a total of 45 minutes.

We eventually started looking for tournaments with three or four game guarantees where eventually we might cross paths with one team that was equally as foolish as us as far as hopes and expectations.

Notes On Facial Coverings and Such

 Thoughts and notes regarding the wearing of face masks .....

• Will we recognize each other once we are past these face mask wearing days?
• Will we just find it easier to continue wearing facial coverings to hide our faces and all that we feel insecure about?
• Will we just find hiding our expressions preferable to explaining them?

What The Hell!!!

What the hell!!!  A rural road that I've driven for forty-five years while coming from and going to work ..... and suddenly, without prior warning, they've put up a stop sign? I hope the cops are allowing a period of adjustment. After blowing through that crossing point for all those years, I'm not exactly conditioned to slow to a stop there. In fact, I'm generally on auto-pilot when out on that road.

Johnny On The Spot!!!

 So typical .... There was about thirty seconds this morning where the combination of time, sky, sun, and smoke ..... (blown here from not too distant forest fires), ..... created the most stunning shade of pink/orange for the sun. And where was I? Was I ready and waiting with my camera? Hell no!! I was stuck in traffic trying to find a spot to take the photo. And before I could get there, it was gone!! 

Time

When you work 687 consecutive days, the sixteen hours each day that you are away from work sure seem to pass by a hell of a lot faster than the eight hours that are actually spent at work.

A reality of life that's maybe a close cousin to Murphy's Law?