How Do You Help?

A guy walked into the bookstore this evening where I was browsing and he obviously was dealing with some mental health issues ..... and I have to compliment the store employees who instead of being insensitive and forcing him back outside, were genuinely trying to help him .... but it's scary. He was responding to their efforts and questions with answers that made no sense and it's like, what do you do at that point? How do you help when he can't communicate what he needs? He wasn't violent or loud and demanding .... quite the opposite actually. More like he was lost and naïve to the world around him.

Notes

• Not fun when awakening from a nap on the couch, with a right hand full of the tingling numbness that comes with 'falling asleep' and you suddenly feel the immediate urge to take care of a chore requiring finesse .... like unfastening the sewn on button on your Dockers, without breaking the damn thing off .... and your urge increasing by the second to near desperation status. Part of the rigors of growing older.
• Asked yesterday for my pick for 'March Madness' but for the first time since I was old enough to take interest, I've paid little attention. Down to the final six teams as of the moment and I've watched a total of less than five minutes.
• Big uptick lately in dreams about the ex-wife. Where the hell is all that coming from?
• Driving into Corvallis earlier today and suddenly had the feeling of being home.
• March Madness .... A guy catches a pass, steps backward and out of bounds, gets called for it, commentator remarks: "You gotta know where you are on the floor" .... my thought: How would he know about that rule? They probably don't observe it in all these AAU leagues that I think are responsible for the decline in common sense basketball knowledge and basic skills and resulting in a lot of unwatchable hoops.
• I'm tired of it all. Practically every issue .... One side thinks it's a great idea or occurrence, to the other it's a plot or conspiracy of some sort. There's nothing where people cross lines or break away from the official party policy. There's no common ground, just disagreement and inane arguments for and against. People unwilling to even consider someone else's views.

Sixty-Something Life

This sixty-something thing ...... a couple days of not feeling so well followed by a few days of feeling semi-young and spry again ..... back and forth. The realization that it's not likely to change to consistently feeling young. Acceptance of it all! What choice do you have?

I see so many from my generation who appear to be feeling old all the time. I know I should be grateful for what I still have. But lately, I don't see this as a graceful or dignified process and I badly desire dignified. On the surface it may appear things are going that way but behind the scenes, behind doors and curtains, my fear is not so much.

It's funny but I can still do the more physical chores at work once I get it in my head that I'm going to go at it, which is generally when I grow tired of watching something not getting done or when I want the time to pass by a little faster ..... though gaining the motivation, that's never a given. Then again it never was. And I can still get down the stairs as quickly as ever when I need to. Going up is a different story but going down ..... it's like I'm still a teenager.

Friday Not So Fun-day

For me, Friday mornings are always, check new music releases time. But I've been slowly losing the urgency that I once felt. Occasionally I don't get around to checking until the afternoon .... or even Saturday! It's becoming an exercise in futility. It's mostly a list of names that I have either no knowledge of, no interest in or no connection with. Too many old favorites having either burned out or faded away. I can't help but think: No wonder so many older people become bitter ..... this lack of new music in their/our lives must be the number one factor. This is my working theory.

We need our music!!!  Taking time out to listen to music you love almost always brightens ones mood. This is not my theory or opinion. It's an often experienced absolute truth.

Movie Time

It's tough being old and falling asleep in the middle of things. This week I've watched the movie: "Darkest Hour" in seemingly a dozen stops and starts and bits and pieces. Had I tried that in the theater, it would have ended up costing me two or three-hundred dollars. And it's not that I find the film boring .... I'm actually fascinated with the subject and period in time. Maybe my mistake is putting it on after I get home from work and crash on the couch? It's only a few minutes before my eyes are heavy. Damn work is ruining my personal life!!!

Notes and Stuff

• It's funny how being the oldest of five siblings was always so cool .... until you suddenly reach an age where you wish that instead of being the oldest, you'd rather be the youngest. So the odds of living further into the current century were a tad better.
• But then I stop and ponder, had I been born ten years later and was in fact the youngest of the batch, I might never have become a Jackson Browne or Neil Young fan. Why does there seemingly have to be pros and cons to everything?
• When you accidently start printing a report that you quickly realize will result in literally a thousand-plus sheets of paper being used, there ought to be a way to stop the process besides waiting until the paper in the printer runs out or shutting off the power. But I'm told that once in motion, only the IT/IS people can halt the process. If true, that seems ridiculous. I know of no good reason why it has to be this way. It's not like I'm engaging in and attempting to hide illegal activity. I just want to save a tree or two and save the company a little cash.
• Things like the above cause a person to feel shaken and lose confidence in their ability to deal with any new technology that's to be employed. I'm still having issues with the current technology, imagine trying to teach me new tricks.
• It's almost a pleasure when your left ankle routinely starts to ache after too much daily walking because you know how good it's going to feel to get home, lay down and get that ankle horizontally positioned for the evening.
• Guy at a table at the grocery store exit giving me a sales pitch for the local newspaper so fast that I can't understand what he's offering. When I say no thanks, he only speeds up his delivery and ends with how great a deal I'd be getting. But I'm still confused as to what he's actually saying. I'm not going to agree to those terms. Slow the fuck down and be clear!!! I don't want the paper to begin with and if I have no clue what he's saying how's that approach going to change my attitude? ........ Hell just give me the monthly bargain rate your pitching, how long it lasts, what it becomes after that, and how long I'd be committed plus a written statement against any hidden conditions and fees. I want that information in plain talk. I've been bullshitted before, not going to fall for it again. 
• A friend checking out the mix or gray and brown hair sticking out from the back of my baseball cap tells me that I am lucky. That women pay hundreds of dollars the get the exact highlights that I have through natural means. Yeah but I say lets reconsider who's the lucky ones ..... those same women also have hair on top of their head.

Being Me

It occurs to me that if someone were to follow me around for two or three days, they'd probably be amazed (or bored beyond tears) at all the little quirks and routines that I engage in on a regular basis. Things I never mention to outsiders (or even friends). Things that likely go far towards assisting a person of picking up the label of "eccentric."  And I suppose I should mention ..... nothing that I could be thrown in jail for. Nothing where I need the lights turned out. Nothing that would get my life an 'R' or even a 'PG' rating. But if I were to start listing them, well that would blow my cover wouldn't it? And besides, no one in my world is on a 'need to know' basis. Mostly I figure, coping mechanisms for turning sixty and moving forward.

More Obsession

I guess you could call my approach to photography an obsession also!! I'm always thinking about it. Always driving around keeping a keen eye for photo ops. Constantly looking for something different. Always keeping an eye on the sky and what's headed my way.

Collecting Obsessions

I have a new obsession .... to go along with music collecting. Apparently one obsession in my life wasn't enough. Now I'm on this crazy insane pace collecting volumes of poetry. And believe me, it could be a lot worse because there's plenty of it that I don't care for but then there always seems to be one or two (or more) titles I get excited about every time I step into a bookstore. And as with music, presentation and design count greatly.

Music actually took a secondary objective role the last two or three occasions that I stopped by one of those Public Library or YMCA book sales, where there's mostly little of interest but just as you are about to lose hope, a gem appears before you. I usually walk out feeling a little dirty after scrounging through everything .... Nothing though that a little hand sanitizer can't overcome.

The Pacific Northwest seems to be a fertile area for poetry with many interesting voices. I don't generally feel that way about music but poetry .... something in the air here lends itself to the art.

The Screw Up

I really hate when you allegedly screw up near the end of your shift because the office printer started spitting out pages of error reports in biblical proportions just a moment after an possibly ill-considered undertaken action on your part and you don't have time to fix it ..... (and you're not even positive if it's an actual problem and if your contemplated fix is the properly accepted fix or if it's just you in sheer panic mode) ..... and you know the-powers-that-be don't want to pay you overtime to stay and fix things so you hurriedly compose an email for the morning crew, hoping that they can comprehend what the hell you're talking about and correct the error before it causes actual issues and problems ..... and you just sit there in your final moments (of the shift) swearing profusely at yourself for being so stupid ..... when just less than twenty-four hours earlier, with what you thought was 100% total conviction, you told a co-worker that it was your goal to be happy for every remaining moment of your work career and now that's all shot to hell.

...... And then from home after a night of restlessness you check your email in the morning and the boss says everything looks OK. All that fuming, fussing and fretting it appears for nothing.