Quiet Listening

Something I can agree with!! A chance to recharge your inner mechanisms. Or to question and learn from past actions and decisions. Or to simply realize how small you really are in relation to everything around you.

You can hear a great deal in the quiet. Valuable wisdom that stays buried in the maze and clamor of everyday routines. For that benefit alone, daily contemplation should be a requirement. But where does one find the time? We're all so busy just trying to survive, running to work each day. And then there's all the chores and errands. We need to find or create those gaps in each day to simply sit and listen.

Change and Stuff

I can identify dozens of ways that I've changed in the last two or three years. Mostly just little stuff. Long held habits and routines that I just don't follow any more. It wasn't the result of a decision, it just happened over the last few years. Like I simply drifted away from old ways. I could list them but I'm sure it would just be meaningless stuff to anyone but myself. But to me, it feels like bordering on a major lifestyle change.

More change ....... Saw an old co-worker at the store yesterday. Someone I once thought of as pretty. Someone who coldly blew me off in our younger days when I asked her out on a date on a couple of occasions. I heard just a few days ago that she was looking pretty rough these days and I'd have to say that was an accurate description. I couldn't help but think, karma at work. Reminds me of when you see a current photo of an old friend or classmate on facebook, someone you haven't seen in years, then go back and look at their high school yearbook photo and you would never guess that it's the same person.

I walk around downtown and marvel at how it's been changing. Mostly good changes though there is much that I wish had stayed the same. It's always bothered me how demands of new generations change and the resulting of old favorites fading away.

Wednesday Notes

• So when you sit down and think about it and realize the situation, I feel a little stunned at turning sixty-one. Sometimes it feels like you were eighteen, blinked your eyes and suddenly became sixty-one.
• Next door neighbor told me that his car was stolen a few days ago. Apparently he left it unlocked. That's one of my most strictly followed obsessions ..... always locking doors. If I've ever left a car, house or apartment door unlocked it would have been when I was a teenager. It just never occurs to me to do anything but lock doors. Why invite problems?
• May have mentioned this before but my two least favorite words when used together are: "assembly required."
• Scored a genius in a facebook spelling quiz, justifying my second place finish many years ago in a seventh grade spelling bee. Not a citywide, statewide or nationwide spelling bee, but just my Catholic school, seventh grade class. But hey, second place is second place. I earned the title and justified it tonight.

Realism For Dummies

I really hate it (well maybe not hate it but feel a little shaken) when you're listening to music with your headphones on and suddenly you hear someone knocking on your wall, like the music is turned up too loud ..... then you suddenly realize that knocking was part of the recorded sounds. I guess that should be taken as a compliment to your headphones and the albums recording engineers. But your heart does skip a beat or two when it occurs. A minor fright of sorts!!

Birthday Notes

If you've ever wondered about such things, sixty-one years doesn't feel much different than sixty years and 364 days. Maybe the only difference being one more partially graying hair. I hope that mom is baking a cake. If anyone is pondering a gift ..... music or socks are always appreciated. My dream birthday dinner would be a perfectly baked chunk of Chinook Salmon. Then take me out afterwards for a long walk in the park and a movie. As near to loner/hermit as I've become these last few years, I wouldn't object.

Another Birthday Eve

Another birthday eve. About to turn sixty-one. Just a few hours away. I consider it an accomplishment. Since I can't reverse the process I might as well be proud. Though the time between each birthday does seem to speed up with each year. Happy to say that I'm still walking around and feeling adequate for the most part.

I have all kinds of new music to listen to and books to read. Took a trip to an art gallery and picked up a couple small clay sculptures. Then a impromptu drive from Independence to Albany on a winding country road that I've never traveled before. Then back to Salem and feeling lost at Best Buy in a sea of new technology. What bothers me is that there will be advancements and updates every few weeks it seems and I'll still be back at the first generation starting point attempting to comprehend and find my way in the dark.

A view from the rafters!! Found this photo in a 1962 South Salem high school yearbook in an antiques shop. I snapped a photo of the photo with my cell phone. The high school playoffs at Mac Court in Eugene. AKA "The Pit." Having been in there a few times over the years, I can verify that it lived up to its nickname. I thought the angle the photo was taken from was fascinating. Some of the perception and effect is lost in this small photo of a larger photo. I was going to purchase the yearbook just for this image but was shocked at the asking price. But being a basketball junkie and lover of basketball history, I felt a burning desire to have this photo. So I cheated. The alternative option that was considered for a few nervous seconds was sliding the page, which was loose anyway, under my jacket and walking out the door. Though I eventually decided that I was a little too old to risk being taken to jail for the first time in my life on a petty shoplifting charge. Who wants to spend their birthday in jail? Besides, who would put up bail for my release?

Sixteen years later, I attended what was then the Oregon Class AA High School playoffs in this building. A great old building with tons of atmosphere! You could sense the history and ghosts in the hallways. I would have loved spending ten minutes alone on that floor, just shooting baskets

Old Friend

Talk today with my oldest friend (since we were naive third graders) about the R-word. Retirement. He's ready to do it after one more year of servitude. Wish I could be so certain, He's ready to live on less. Tired of the everyday work routine. He wants to do other things with his time.

Funny how things change. Our only notion of retirement when we first met at eight years old and for a few years beyond was the tears that were shed when our heroes, Mickey Mantle (me) and Al Kaline (him) decided to give up their baseball careers. The R-word had a very negative connotation back then. Now it's the ultimate goal!!!

Possum Eyes Road

Driving at midnight, a lonely dark country road ..... A road that I once made a promise to a friend that I would never drive again after revealing to her a dream that I was involved in a wreck on that road. A promise broken long ago after a back stabbing of sorts. A road I've driven several thousand times since I was old enough to drive ..... Anyway I thought I saw the shiny, beady eyes of a possum fifty yards ahead. I slowed to a crawl as I closed in. Turned out though to be a reflector post that someone had knocked over.

I hit a possum out on that road many years ago. Turned around and drove back (I don't know why) only to see its mate snarling at me. Startled a skunk out there once as well. My old 74' Mustang was on the receiving end of the startled skunk. It took a couple months before it was finally free of the skunks mist of wrath. And was 97% positive that I saw a ghost crossing that road a few years back. Also on that road is a rich persons home (I think it may be one or two bricks short of qaulifying as an official mansion) and huge front yard with a concrete basketball court with hoops at both ends and a painted key and free throw area, just a few yards off the road. It's been my goal since it first appeared to one day stop and shoot a few jump shots before the assumed millionaire owner can send his security force out to chase me away. It ought to get a little useage by someone who would genuinely appreciate it (me) since I've yet to see any kids (or adults) using it.

Urban sprawl has claimed a portion of what that road used to be, yet you're still likely to spot the occasional wandering possum, skunk or ghost on any given dark, lonely night.

Doing My Taxes For Fun and Relaxation

Another round of yearly tax filing completed!! Whew! Cross that off the lengthy to-do list! And probably earlier than I've ever done them before. The only thing that stresses me out about this e-filing is that I'm accidently going to click in the wrong place and end up with a knock on the door from a pleasant IRS representative ...... Or that I'll deposit my refund into some foreign bank account. I do tend to click on things before fully reading the instructions.  

Anyway, both state and federal are done and I feel free!! At least for a half hour which is a long period of freedom in my world.

Those Swing Shift, Post-Work Power Outage Blues

I knew I wasn't going to enjoy this swing shift in the middle of winter crap! And it's only been one day! Cold and dark. Trucks showing up late. The crew tough to communicate with. Too much walking on concrete checking on everyone. Startled by some little blackbird flying out from beneath my car, inches from my face, as I approached. Nothing much open after work if a person wants to get something to eat.

And it would appear pretty lame and low-life of me if I decided to avoid it all by taking vacation right now.

To top it off, I came home to the chilly blackness of a power outage. Try finding your front door locks when there's no illumination. Then try getting your key into each. I don't know why my electric company always seems to have an outage somewhere when you never hear a peep about outages with the competing local company. We should have a choice for our service. But they each have their own little areas of monopoly carved out for them.

Dream World Continued

Just awake from a dream where an older version of myself is in a gymnasium (St. Vincent's) watching a middle school aged version of myself play basketball. Or maybe I was watching the child that I never had? A different type of a dream than the majority of those I experience. And a rare dream without conflict.
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Overheard in the record store: A guy planning to take his wife on a trip to New York for her birthday. All she knows though is that they are going on a trip. She has no clue where. Probably the kind of thing that I should have once done. Maybe I'd be looking at thirty-five years of being happily married.

Vacation Day Notes

Vacation day from work resulting in a chance crossing of paths with an old friend (Frank) and a chance to catch up for a few minutes. One of the few persons when around, where I've ever been able to laugh often and freely. Walked away with a huge smile on my face which was noticed by several strangers causing them to react with hellos and return smiles.

People think it strange ..... They say, why take a vacation day on a Wednesday? I say, "Why not!!" It cuts the work week in half. In my mind that's just as valuble to the attitude and soul as a three day weekend. especially if you manage to go out for a nice lunch (which I did). One of my motto's that I live by are the old Warren Zevon words: "Enjoy Every Sandwich."

A vacation day to celebrate making it through the first month in the new year of this life. As good of a reason as any.

I always feel like I've been away for a long period of time when returning to work after vacation. Even just one day of vacation. It's strange but I always feel like I have to enter the building with a little caution. (If that's the proper word to describe what's going through my mind.) Like I've suddenly lost my welcome status and become an outsider.