Thank You

I'm guilty of not saying the words "Thank you" enough. Particularly to deserving co-workers. I had an instance yesterday where the thought that I needed to express as much, suddenly washed over me, That a display of gratitude would be appropriate for the moment. Then to discover, that in fact, it didn't hurt. It felt a little awkward but it wasn't excruciatingly painful. It's not showing weakness. And if done more consistently, maybe the awkwardness of displaying a different face to be seen by those who don't see it enough, would fade.

Maybe I'll try it again!! Not making any promises but something to strive for.

Something else ..... Why is it seemingly easier to express thanks in a different language? "Gracias" flows out with much less hesitation.

More Notes

• Working these endless shifts of odd hours and weekends, you sometimes have to make a conscious effort to avoid falling into ruts where I can easily spend all my hours away from work at home either sleeping or just too exhausted to go anywhere. Being single, unless I get out and order some food or something, there are days where I might not utter a word for the sixteen hours between shifts at work. When one goes that long without speaking, I sometimes wonder if the words will come out when I do have to speak again. Like I might forget how to speak from lack of practice or the vocal chords might just shut it down from lack of use.
• Too much of a single, unchanging voice. That’s what I think of my attempts to write poetry. It all sounds the same. And it all sounds like I’m trying too hard to describe some sort of grand, epic, never-ending, cataclysmic story. It gets to the point mentally where I don’t want to continue. I’d very much like to write with more ease and simplicity and a more varied approach but it never seems to happen.  
• A dream where I was playing a game of one-on-one with an old high school classmate and ex-super jock and using a combination of moves and shot styles observed and stolen from Stephen Curry and Larry Bird, winning handily and literally making every shot I threw up which led said old unnamed but current facebook friend classmate to mix up some sort of foul smelling health and energy brew in my parents garage in preperation for a rematch. A lot better than my usual bizzarro world/horror movie type dreams.
• Ever find yourself sitting on a lonely warehouse loading dock, late, late Saturday night, feeling exhausted and ill and gazing at a dark western sky where the moon and stars are obscured by clouds and while a light mist is falling ..... wondering what the hell happened to your life?

Losing My Dignity

Without going into the bizarre details, I sure am relieved that what I just awoke from was only a ground breaking wierd dream. Had it been real life, I wouldn't have an ounce of dignity remaining. Four or five different sub-plots, all lacking in grace and humility on my part.

Notes

• Thirty-four consecutive and mostly insanely hectic days at work tends to make the summer pass by in a flash. It was June just a few blinks of the eye ago and now suddenly it's somehow September. It just emphasizes how life is passing by too quickly. I have moments where I try and slow things down but they don't last for long.
• How nice it would be to naturally have a way with words. I generally feel like I have much to say but don't seem to be able to express those thoughts. 
• Downtown Salem is becoming an exciting destination. New concepts and approaches to lunch and dinner will do that for a place. Also staying open later into the evening. For most of my life, downtown has shut down at 6:00pm. Now though, more and more places are open for business well into the evening hours.
• Feeling a little down about notification of an upcoming increased financial responsibility but what the hell, you can't brood about that shit for too long. I still want to enjoy a few aspects of my daily life.
• As much as I'd like to return to the ways of my younger days where I would stay up most of the night ..... I just can't pull it off anymore. By 10:00pm I'm feeling the urgent need for sleep.