Finding My (Lost) Voice

I can't seem to come up with an intimate, touching, gently reflective type of attempt at poetry. It may start out that way but by the third or fourth line, a single word or a phrase changes the initial intent. It becomes darker, maybe harsher. That seems to be my style. The words fail to materialize if I'm not detailing some sort of conflict or an aspect of a theme that's not so pretty. I wonder if it defines me as a negative voice? It's how my thought process unfolds over time. I seemingly need to examine the haze, shadows, distance and darkness. Not because that's what I desire and strive for but maybe that's where the most interesting creatures lurk? Maybe a search for clarity?

And I need a larger vocabulary. It feels like I'm recycling the same words with each attempt. It feels at times that they are all the same poem. Especially after getting down words to a new one. It becomes tiresome and frustrating. I need to put time and distance between each effort so that I can feel the desire to start something new. I don't think that I could ever be very prolific .... at least not until I overcome that barrier.

Dream A Little Dream

A new submission to my all-time strangest dreams list ..... A dream, or small part of a dream, where a body part (I won't say which) suddenly falls off and a replacement appears. I have no idea what else might have been taking place in that dream. No knowledge of the presence of others. Just those three or four seconds of bizarre happenings. So feel free to analyze that.

Is that how it is ..... the dreams get stranger as you grow older? I prefer the epic basketball playing dreams of younger years. Running, jumping, shooting, spinning, passing!! Possessing endless energy. Sometimes you make the big shot, sometimes you miss. But at least I know why!!

Flags

So what I really don't get about these people fighting to keep their beloved confederate flag flying proudly, is that the majority of those people would likely claim to be fervent patriots and constitutionalists yet the confederate flag was the symbol of an alternate cause. Of an attempt to break away from the union. Seems like a contradiction?

The Business of Mens Business

Noticed at work, an act of extreme courage. Walking by the mens restroom and the entrance was wide open as the female janitor had propped it open in order to keep various men outside while she mopped the floor. Well that doesn't deter all men. Standing there for passers-by to see was a guy doing his business, the partition apparently needing to be extended a foot or two to provide total obscurity. (I've always wondered about that one business station and the protruding length of the wall of privacy. Now I know.) The entrance is in a little hallway where many people of varied gender pass through to get to other rooms and exits so if the door is open or happens to swing open as someone walks by ....... Well I had to admire this guys balls. Not his actual physical balls but his ability to stand there only partially hidden and easily identifiable, for all to view. Personally I could never follow in his footsteps. I don't want people glancing to their left as they pass by and think or say: "Hey isn't that Mike?"

Words

Ever had words spoken to you in anger, that have haunted you, even changed your life since? People really don't understand the effect that a few words can have. They throw them out there and likely forget about it a few days later. Yet it can linger in another's thoughts years later. You may have initially thought the words not valid but over time and self-examination you begin to wonder ..... even accept them as somewhat true. It can change the way that you approach life. And once that's taken hold, it's difficult to reverse. It can't just be willed away in the three or four seconds that it took to plant the seed.

The Moment of Regret

Had that rare moment this afternoon where I truly regret not having children in my life. While browsing in the record store, a father and his five or six year old daughter close by, doing the same. She would pick a recording out of the racks and he'd tell her about the musician or group. Getting her started early with an appreciation for records. And she was genuinely interested. I couldn't help but to listen in for a moment or two .... and smile and feel a little envious. I guess it's not all crying and changing diapers.

You know .... I really tried to stay away for more than a  a few days or a week. From the record store that is. But the lure is powerful. It's an addiction. I don't know why people are drawn to different things. But my weakness is record collecting. Not rare items but whatever my inner self is drawn to both visually and audio-wise.

Life's Simple Pleasures

Simple pleasures are the best ..... Pepsi in a glass bottle. Right up there with getting "scratch back" or feeling a cool summer evening breeze or mom's potato salad. Yesterday I would have mentioned, Liquid Plummer having completed it's assigned mission.

A basic truth: The older one gets, the more appreciative they are of simple pleasures.

It's Only Words

It's funny ..... at work, trying to explain something to another person(s) who doesn't understand English and it's obvious that the message was not understood. So I repeat it, just a little louder. Then a third time with even a little more volume and emphasis. Like I think that's suddenly going to make my words clear. And so with frustration growing and no interpreter in sight, we all just give up and walk away. We all knew the question. It's just the answer that was hazy. And in the end it will all work itself out and we'll all eventually go home for a good nights sleep and the issue will be forgotten. Except for those who note such things in journals and blogs and who need an extra hour or two to forget.